Thursday, May 15, 2014

Trusting Your Instincts In Divorce

When women begin to consider divorce or start the process of filing for divorce they begin to receive lots of unwanted advice. The same thing happens to women throughout life I suppose. Consider when you first announced you were getting married, having a baby, quitting your job to stay home with your children; you name it when it involves your family and personal decisions you need to make everyone has an opinion. That is just one of the funny parts of life.

The best advice is advice not given. When it comes to your divorce, just like your marriage, it will be unique to you and so will your experiences as you proceed. There are some tips that may or may not apply to your situation. It is best to decide for yourself your next move. Do research on your own about divorce. This will help lead you into a position that allows you to think for yourself without being swayed by the tips or opinions of bitter divorcees.

When divorce is initially considered or thought of it is a good idea to meet with an attorney that specializes in women's divorces. Find an attorney that comes with a solid reputation for defending women's rights in divorce as well as child custody and support. Most often the initial consultation with the attorney is free even if this is not the case one hour of time with an attorney will allow you to get a good feel for their practice as well as their reputation. You will want to be comfortable with this person as you will be sharing incredibly intimate details of your marriage with them.

During this first initial meeting with a divorce attorney you should get a basic understanding on the divorce laws of your state. Each state is different when it comes to divorce laws. It is crucial to understand the laws of your state and how they apply to your situation. During this meeting you will also want to get information about attorney fees, mediation and different parenting agreements that are applicable to your situation.

Some divorces are fairly amicable and can be settled through mediation. Your divorce attorney should accompany you to any meetings set by the mediator. This is important to help protect you and your rights. Even when divorce is amicable doesn't mean that your ex-husbands attorney will play fairly. Never sign or agree to anything involving your divorce without the advice of your divorce council present.

Before you leave the residence you share with your spouse check with your attorney. This is a decision that should not be made in haste. There are real implications when it comes to leaving the marital home during a divorce. If you find you are concerned for your safety or the safety of your children you should seek out a personal protection order, otherwise known as a PPO, or restraining order while things are settled with your divorce.

In the next installment on divorce we will look into more tips and strategies for you to investigate as you move through the divorce process. Remember one size does not fit all when you are considering a divorce and your divorce proceedings are meant to fit you.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom's in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at

Handling Your Divorce In Your Own Way

In our first installment regarding tips for your divorce we talked about the importance of looking out for yourself and not taking advice from other divorcees as it may not fit your divorce. We discussed looking as your divorce as its own separate entity as it is unique to you, your marriage and your situation.

A lot of times you will hear people that claim their divorce was completely amicable and they were able to settle without issue through mediation. While this sounds like a wonderful fantasy of what divorce can be it is the most likely a just that, a fantasy. No matter how cooperative you and your spouse are with each other there are bound to be phases throughout the divorce that you don't see eye to eye. This is especially true when it comes to children and issues relating to parenting time and child support.

This is not to say that you can't find peace in divorce and throughout yours however know that it is okay if your divorce doesn't have a fairy tale ending. Your marriage wasn't a fairy tale so why it is assumed that the divorce should be one is a mystery. Whenever you have third parties involved your divorce becomes trickier. This third party can be an attorney, a new love interest, children or family. When you start involving more people, more opinions come into play and with this come more aggravations. You will never be able to please everyone and in your divorce the only person you need to be concerned with pleasing is yourself while providing a best interest for your child.

When it comes to filing for divorce or being served with divorce papers one thing is true; you will never be as prepared as you will want to be. Once the situation has begun it is important to prepare yourself. Get together a list of important names and numbers that you may need in the future. You will want to also start putting together a list that includes handyman service providers, mechanics, tax preparers as well as any service you were not familiar with in your as wife and mother.

Consider finding something new outside of your divorce to learn and throw yourself into. You will find that you have spare time on your hand. The last thing that is healthy for you or for your family is to sit around and think too much. Be proactive, find something new to do. It can be something as simple as learning how to do small repairs on your car or home. Try anything to occupy your mind and gain knowledge that you didn't previously have. Start learning about budgeting and retirement as this something you will have to reevaluate now that you may be doing this on your own.

Did your heart skip a beat when you thought about that last statement? Only let that happen this once. Strap on your big girl shoes and get on living your new life and letting go of your old life as you proceed through your divorce.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom's in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at

Knowing You Are Not Alone In Divorce

When a man and a women get married they never want to think that anything could ever end their happily ever after. The truth is that marriage often does end in divorce. The question is why? What are the challenges come between a husband and wife that can tear apart a home? While it is common when looking at divorce filings to see the women as the plaintiff in divorce men do file for divorce as well. Let's explore some of the more common reasons men say they are lead to filing for divorce.

Infidelity is the number one reason couples give when seeking a divorce. It is hard to repair a marriage once a spouse has lost the trust and confidence of their partner. This is especially true when it comes to a wife having an extra marital affair. It is incredibly difficult to forgive someone for intimacy shared with another person especially one that pledged to share their life with only you.

Another issue that is often given by men filing for divorce is due to the inability or lack of desire to have children. The pressure for men to have children to carry on their family's legacy is still alive even now when adoption options are incredibly common. Issues arise frequently when one spouse is unable to provide a child either because of a lack of interest or inability. This can lead to many complications in a marriage that can't stand the test of time.

Love is an overwhelming feeling. Love shows itself in a variety of different ways at first. When you are in a relationship the natural flow of happiness often leads to marriage. The problem that exists is that in this "love" phase we are often blinded by issues with our partners that are sure signs of incompatibility. Incompatibility is another issue that is often cited as a reason for divorce. When there is a difference in attitude, beliefs or opinions that can't be reasoned with men often seek out divorce. Incompatibility and a lack of compromise can quickly turn that overwhelming love into an annoying conflict of interest.

When a family is created the roles that men and women take on are varied. Children take a marriage that was balanced and often throw it off balance. When parents forget to rebalance their roles this can often lead to issues in the marriage. Often women become caregivers to the children and take on a more domestic role. When a man feels he is bringing more to the table than the woman it often leads him feeling as if he is being taken advantage of. This unbalance, if not quickly corrected, can lead a man to file for divorce.

Another thing happens when children are born, a curve in affection. When a child enters a family a new dynamic of attention and affection is created. Often time's men feel that there is a lack of tending to and attention on them. When a spouse feels this neglect they often can become incredibly bitter. A lack of attention and affection from their spouse is a reason divorce attorney's often site as a reason their client is seeking divorce as well.

No matter what reason you have for wanting a divorce it is valuable to know that you are not alone. Your reason is as valid as the next. If your marriage is lacking in any way shape or form you have every right to seek a divorce and create happiness for yourself and your children. If two people choose to stay married when they are clearly unhappy this creates a different set of issues especially when children are involved.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad's in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at

Learning To Live Life During And After Divorce

When your marriage ends and you suddenly go from being a couple or family to being single it is a huge life adjustment. Getting back into the single life can be hard for men after divorce. This not only includes dating but also hanging out with friends, taking care of yourself as well as your home and other areas of your social life that you left your wife in charge of.  This process will take some time and can be an adjustment for many; the tips below will help you get back into the social groove.

First thing understand that you may need some time after your divorce to clear your head and grieve.  You may have had time while the divorce was in process to get a feel for the single life. Be aware however that many times you will find yourself coping with a different feeling once the divorce is actually final, assets are split and child custody & support agreed upon. You may find yourself starting the grieving process over again and that is okay.  Allow yourself time to mourn the loss of your marriage and old life.

Take time to be alone without being in a relationship or dating.  This time period allows you time to discover who you are, on your own, without the influence of anyone or anything else to compromise with.  The new you, especially the new you with children may not be what you remember from before your marriage.  You owe it to yourself to find out who you are and to adjust.

Take time to do things that you avoided and put off while you were married. This is the time to explore those things you wanted to while married but didn’t because your wife didn’t like it.  Now is the time to do what you want being it travel, fish or buy a motorcycle.  Enjoy yourself and do those things that you compromised because of your commitment to your wife and family.  When you are divorced there is no one to compromise with so the sky is truly the limit for you.  Take time to enjoy it and discover your single life.

Take some time when getting back into the dating game.  Play the field, go on a lot of dates and stay out of relationships to start with.  Many women will understand your desire to stay commitment free for while after your divorce.  If they don’t understand that desire most likely you are falling back into the same traps you may have in your first marriage.  Compromise is good to some point however if you find yourself always on the giving end you are dating in the wrong direction.

More than anything your life after divorce should take into consideration all you learned from your marriage and throughout your divorce.  Take the good and bad experiences and amplify the areas that work while reducing those that don’t.  Learn and grow from past mistakes, bad decisions and hardships.  Move past them and bring only the positives out of what you have learned into your new life. 
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at