Monday, August 31, 2015

Choosing A Healthy Divorce

Is there such thing as a healthy divorce?  Does working with one attorney over another make a difference in the health of your relationships once your divorce is finalized?  Believe it or not the attorney you choose to help you throughout your divorce really does change the outcome of your relationships with your ex and your children.  Divorce is difficult.  It is a time that catches you at anything but your best; that is one of the main reasons you need to find an attorney to compliment your end goals and desires.  A divorce attorney that understands this will help make the process and end result easier to handle.
The first thing to understand is that your divorce is not a battle.  Take the right approach from the start.  Find a family law attorney that has this same mindset.  Find an attorney that also doesn’t believe that divorce must be a combat situation.  If you or your attorney go into the process concerned only with winning your divorce turns into a situation that is hurtful, angry and heated.  This is especially harmful if children are involved.  It is important that you work together with your ex.  This will lead to a relationship after divorce that is cohesive and benefits the emotional well being of both you and your children.
There will be many things that will need to be divided up within your divorce.  Consider joint assets for what they are and nothing more.  Yes, the blanket that covered your couch may be super comfy but is it really worth fighting for?  If your ex is really attached to a piece don’t fight them for it.  It is more important that the division of assets is fair.  If you choose to be cooperative throughout the process you will find this may entice your ex to do the same.  Who cares if in the end you need to buy new dishes or sheets?
It may be difficult to begin talking with your spouse about dividing your joint assets. One way to help ease this conversation is by starting out with a written list.  Divide the joint assets up into three categories: things you really want, things you would like and things that don’t really matter.  Compare the list you have created with the list your ex has come up with.  What this accomplishes is a starting point.  You may compare lists and realize that the things you both value are completely different and therefore easier to split.  It also allows for a bit of negotiation as you may choose to give up some of those things that you would like in favor of more important pieces that you really want.  You will find this true of your ex as well.  Your divorce attorneys can set up a time for mediation where this can be discussed in a non-hostile manner.
It is important that you seek legal advice from an attorney that also believes in ending your marriage in a healthy manner.  Having an attorney that helps you remain level headed throughout the divorce process will only help to facilitate a healthy end to your marriage and start to your new life.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at

Choosing a Positive Divorce For Your Children’s’ Sake

One of the biggest concerns that most couples have when they are considering divorce is the impact it will have on their children.  How will the children react to living with one parent over the other?  Will they understand that your divorce will actually lead to a happier and healthier life for them?  Divorce brings with it massive changes.    Your children will learn though your example.  If you choose to make the change with their well being in mind they will continue to thrive.
Children have a different perception of divorce depending on their age, gender and history with stress.  Without proper guidance even the most well adjusted, stable, resilient child can end up with emotional problems and less than desirable long term affects.  This does not have to be inevitable.  With parents who ensure that this new chapter in life is embraces children can come out of the divorce process rather unscathed.
One way that this can happen is if both parties agree to joint custody and co-parenting.  There are a number of challenges that come along with parenting during and after a divorce but if you work together they lessen dramatically.  You make have conflicts with your ex that makes this challenging.  Communicating cordially can be difficult.  There is a reason that you have decided to no longer be married.  This however should not impact the decisions that need to be made on behalf of your children.
Make choices together that benefit your children.  When co-parenting you are both spending equal amounts of time with your children.  Communicating with your ex frequently is part of making this a successful arrangement.  Co-parenting should help allow your children’s lives to remain as consistent as they can.  One of the goals with co-parenting is allowing your children to live normally between two households.  It allows children of divorce the luxury of not having to pack up a suitcase every other weekend to visit with their other parent.
Having children was a choice you made together as is every decision that is made surrounding their lives.  Just because you choose to no longer live as one family unit does not mean that your partner is not allowed to weigh in on the decisions that affect them.  Co-parenting allows you the opportunity to both remain in control of each and every aspects of parenting.  You will need to work together on a common set of rules that need to be abided by no matter which home they are in.  The transitions from one home to the other should be made without any noticeable difference to avoid any undue impact on your children.
When it comes to bigger issues or to a disagreement on how to approach an issue with the children you will be challenged.  Don’t go into battle with your ex.  This is not helpful to the end goal and will only put your children in the middle.  Depending on what the issue is will depend on how it is handled.  You can consult with a mediator, schedule time for a consultation with a co-parenting specialist or agree to disagree but support the end decision.
Consulting with a co-parenting specialist is one way in which many divorce parents make the arrangement work well.  Not every detail is one that needs to be debated.  Some issues can be resolved by doing what works well at one house verse the other.  While other issues need to be addressed the same no matter where the children are at any given moment.  A consultant specializing in the co-parenting arrangement can work with you to come up with a parenting plan that works under both roofs.  This arrangement allows for the adverse affects of divorce on your children to be as minimal as any change of this magnitude can be.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at