Friday, October 30, 2015

Women Should Know This Before They Get Divorced

There are so many feelings that occur when getting divorced.  It is important to consider even the most unexpected situations to better prepare yourself for what can happen after your divorce is finalized.  Here are the top issues that women have shared about their experiences during and after their divorce.
Recovery May Take Longer Than You Thought:  Even the strongest of women admit they have a hard time functioning after a divorce.  Every person going through a divorce heals at their own pace.  Some women bounce back immediately while others take years to get back to living on their own.
Choose Your Divorce Attorney Wisely: Choose an attorney that specializes in family law.  A divorce attorney is the best option to handle your divorce.  Sometimes a criminal attorney will take on a divorce case.  This is not your best option when choosing an attorney.  A family law attorney specializing in divorce is the best option in getting the best possible settlement.
Dig Into All Finances Both Individual and Joint:  Many divorces, actually about forty percent, center around finances.  When you are getting divorced it is important that you get all of the information pertaining to your finances both individually and together.  Gather information on all of the accounts held within the home.  Figure out what payments are made automatically and where money is invested.  The more you know, the more your attorney can get for you in a settlement.
Determine What Future Living Expenses Will Be:  It is important to be financially set once the divorce occurs.  Your well being, as well as the well being of your children is of the utmost importance.  Gather an estimate of what you believe the current cost of living is before the divorce proceedings begin.  You need to know what you will have to have in the future to maintain the lifestyle you are accustomed to.
Consider Unexpected Costs:  It is never easy to think about the future expenses that may arise but when going through a divorce it is important to do just that.  An account is needed to assist with unexpected expenses that occur during and after the divorce proceedings.   It is important to have a savings that covers three months of expenses upon separation and divorce.
Hurting Your Ex Usually Backfires: Hurting your ex in turn hurts your children.  Anything you say or write is out there forever and always for your children to see or hear.  Be careful when talking about your ex.  Kill them with kindness over trashing them.  In the long run you will end up in a better position than if you choose to bash them.
Your Kids Will Hide Their Feelings From You:  Kids are notorious for saying they are fine when in fact nothing about them is okay.  The behavior of your children will change after they experience their parents divorcing.  Younger children may become clingy and want to sleep with you.  Older children may start disobeying and acting out in more dangerous ways.  Whatever your child does it is important to see it and address the situation with care and understanding.  A counselor or family therapist is incredibly helpful to assist children in working through their feelings and getting to a point of acceptance.
Divorce Is Freeing:  More than anything women find that after some time they actually feel free after their divorce is over.  Living life for you without compromising with another individual is the most freeing experience a woman can feel.  Embrace the new chapter that is opening.  Your book is open ended after you have experienced a divorce.  Choose new hobbies, get the kids involved in activities that you can enjoy together and start to move forward; creating a new chapter is an incredibly freeing adventure for newly single women.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at

Mistakes Men Should Avoid After Divorce

Accepting life after your divorce is hard on everyone involved.  Even under the best of conditions men have a difficult time adjusting to single life after being married.  Make it easier on yourself, your ex and your children by avoiding these common mistakes that are most often made following a divorce.
Dating Too Soon: To many men think that jumping back into the dating game right away is a sure way to get over their ex and begin moving on with their lives.  This is far from reality. In fact dating before the dust settles on your divorce can hinder your new relationship as well as the relationship you share with your children and ex.
Just because you are feeling alone, exposed and distressed doesn’t mean you should seek out a female companion to fill the void.  Instead begin to date casually.  Don’t take on a relationship until you have figured out life as a newly divorced man.  This can take up to two years to officially happen.  Slow down your dating game and explain to anyone you are interested in dating that you have been through a tough divorce and are not ready for a committed relationship.  Recognize that the time is not right for a relationship that constrains you in anyway.
Isolating Themselves: After a divorce it is easy for men to become cut off from the rest of the world.  This is especially true when a woman gets full custody of their children.  This alone can worsen any feelings of guilt, depression and lonesomeness that is felt.  In factdivorced men are more likely to experience suicide and alcoholism.
Instead of turning to drinking and thoughts of hurting yourself turn to old friends or family members.  Join a health club, join a softball team or join a professional association through work.  All of these activities will help you avoid the feeling of despair that can be felt by men experiencing divorce.
Giving In To Hostility:  Another common mistake that men give into is the hostility they are feeling towards their ex.  Don’t continue to fight with your ex especially when children are involved.  Don’t be the enemy.  When you are co-parenting it is easy to be at odds with your ex.  You may not always get your way on how to parent your children.  Learn to take this all in stride.  Take time to manage your feelings; there needs to be a middle ground when situations arise that you go to in order to seek a mutual resolution.
Don’t yield too much of yourself or your role as a parent to your ex.  If you are willing to put in the work you will see the results in the relationship you share with your children and ex.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at