Divorce can improve credit scores

People looking to improve their credit scores will explore a variety of strategies to do so — but divorce isn't usually among them.

Even so, a survey of divorced consumers showed that people often saw their credit scores improve after a split, with nearly 30 percent reporting what they considered a significant jump. The Credit.com Divorce and Credit survey collected responses from 526 divorced adults of varying age, income level, educational background and location. While not nationally representative, the results offer an interesting look at how personal finances play into and change after a divorce.

While not everyone shares the details of their financial lives with their spouse, the survey sample shared some interesting insights into how couples perceive their credit scores and their partners' scores. In every couple, you'd expect to see one person with a higher credit score and one with a lower score, but how couples perceive each other's credit is quite different.

Original Source: http://www.lifehealthpro.com/2014/02/13/divorce-can-improve-credit-scores?t=life-planning-strategies

Find Expert Representation In Your Divorce and Child Custody Agreement

When it comes to getting a divorce there is nothing easy about it.  Every detail of the process can seem overwhelming but when it comes to hiring a divorce attorney it doesn't have to be.  This is the person that you will turn to and rely on as your progress through the divorce process. Your divorce attorney is the one that will fight for you and your rights when it comes to everything from child custody to who is the rightful owner of the lamp you were given by some obscure relative when you were married 12 years ago.  

You can imagine the decision to hire an attorney should be more of a process than scanning through the yellow pages to find the biggest ad.  You will also not that hiring a divorce attorney is not a simple as calling up the firm that helped draw up your will. You will need to do some research into local family law lawyers and find one that is experienced in divorce and mother’s rights.  When you hire a family law attorney you are hiring an individual that has significant trial experience and has passed several rigorous law exams to become specialized in the field.   A board certified family law specialist is the only type of attorney to hire to handle the ins and outs of your divorce.  

You will know that you have found the right attorney to handle your divorce during your first consultation.  If you meet with an attorney that can’t speak to you in plain English that is not the attorney for you.  The divorce attorney you want representing you can speak to you in plain English and does not get overly involved in the technical jargon to speak to you about your case and how it will proceed.  Right away you will know if the individual is someone you can talk freely with, if you are comfortable with them and if they are trust worthy.  During a divorce many personal and intimate details about your marriage are displayed.  You will want to make sure your attorney is someone that you can openly speak with and get answers that you understand.

When you are going through a divorce and you have children involved it is especially important that you find an attorney that will be looking out for your best interest as a mother.  Divorce attorneys for moms are attorneys that have trained to fight for mother’s rights in divorce, child custody and support issues.  They will understand that your children’s best interest is what is at hand and will pursue reasonable child custody and support agreement.  

When it comes to negotiating the terms of your divorce and child custody arrangements the model family law attorney will be available to you, will be a great problem solver and will work well in negotiations between you, your ex and the court.  Even if you and your spouse plan to mediate and come to an agreement outside of the jurisdiction of the court it is important to note that the best laid plans are often just that plans.  When hiring attorney representation you are hiring not only someone able to mediate for your best interest but someone that in the end if necessary will stand representing you in a divorce trial if needed.  

As A Father When Going Through A Divorce and Child Custody Agreement Avoid These Mistakes

The first question many of fathers ask upon meeting with a divorce attorney is; how can I win my child custody battle? When fathers in divorce ask this question it may not be all about winning however about getting the best results for themselves and their children. It may be about joint custody, sometimes it is about ensuring that they still have a say in parenting decisions and reasons that vary depending upon the situation at hand. 

As a divorce attorney it is our job to look at the entire situation and make sure that the children's best interests are met throughout the divorce process including in child custody arrangements. Most fathers end up seeking joint custody and shared parenting. In most divorce cases when one parent is awarded sole custody the children's best interest is not being met. We do our best to represent fathers throughout the process of divorce. Here are some mistakes to avoid making when going through a separation, divorce and child custody situation. 

The first mistake many father make is leaving the marital home before they have consulted with an attorney. Don't feel pressured to move out of your home and leave your children behind. When you are separated from your home and children you are hurting your case and your children. It is important to seek council to develop a parenting plan of action to decide the next step in the process. 

Another mistake that fathers often make is not spending enough time with their children. It is important for all parties involved to stay active in their lives. Still attend softball games and take them to soccer practice. Take them to the park, go swimming and play games with them no matter what part of the divorce process you are involved in. It is important to maintain their lives and routine. If you have your children during the school week sit and take time to help with homework and touch base with their teachers. Your children will excel if you remain an important part of their daily routine. If you aren't able to physically be with them stay in touch via facetime, skype or frequent phone calls. All of this will benefit your custody goals as well as your relations ship with your children.

When it comes time to dealing with your ex widen your view point. It is time to treat her like a business partner, bringing too much emotion when it comes to child custody is not helpful. You want to maximize your case and results and this will take some control of emotion. Don't get livid or malicious, maintain yourself. Your composure will be helpful when it comes time to deliberate child custody and support agreements.

Divorce is never easy especially when children are involved. It becomes personal no matter how hard you try to prevent that from happening. Prevent over sharing with you children, they should never be burdened with your feelings towards their mother. Your stress should not be theirs. Make sure you are receiving adequate support and that you are able to discuss your feelings with someone that can assist you in making sense of them and moving forward.

A Step In The Right Direction After Divorce

Divorce is an event that changes your life forever.  Going through the process of separation, divorce and child custody arrangements changes you and leaves you going through a wide variety of feelings and a decrease in your sense of self.  Not only are you facing challenges emotionally as a mom going through divorce but also a list of other difficulties including finding a place to call home and a way to finance your new life.  In order to bring order and assurance to your new life as a single women or single mom there are some things you can help you through the process.

The first key in moving on in your new life as a single women and mother is to learn forgiveness as well as to let go of the past and move into the present.  You may not see eye to eye with your ex but learning to let go of everything that is not within your control.  When you spend your days regretting the past the future will be wasted.  For your sake and for your children’s future you must move past the bitterness that comes with the divorce process.  Create a future based on forgiveness and moving forward.

Create room in your life and the lives of your children for friends and supportive relationships of all kinds.  Seek out positive experiences, this will create a life full of everything positive and will allow you to begin to see the good in life.  Bring people into your life that was not involved in the chaos of your marriage and divorce.  Allow yourself to become encompassed by friends that know you’re moving forward and not looking back.  Don’t allow your support system to bring you back into the pandemonium of your divorce.

From the minute that a divorce is eminent you need to take time for yourself.  Take some time to enjoy a new or old interest.  Consider taking on an outdoor sport to give yourself some alone time.  Fresh air and outdoor adventures are some of the best ways to let off steam and regain a sense of self.  Harmony to oneself is the best resent you can give to yourself and your children.

While you are married you have to compromise on everything from the brand of toilet paper you use, where you live and how many kids you will have.  Compromise is involved in each step along the way with marriage.  Once you are separated, you begin to be in complete control of all the decisions in your life.  You can choose where you vacation with the kids, pick out the shampoo that will be in the shower and what type of car you will drive.  Excitement comes with discovering your likes and dislikes without any need for compromise.

Eat healthy and learn to do things to take care of your health and well-being.  A change in diet and exercise can help you beat depression and improve your overall attitude.  It is a perfect time to see your physician so that together you can discuss the changes happening in your life as well as ways to ensure you to have health.

Remember your children through the divorce.  Communicate with them and remind them that the demise of your marriage is in no way shape or form because of them.  They did nothing to cause the divorce and nothing they could have done or would have done differently would have led the marriage to be saved.  Children have a lot of guilt when they learn their parents are divorcing.  Spend time with your children doing things outside of the house and the realm of the divorce.  Keep the messages you send them positive and upbeat.  Never burden them with the issues surrounding the divorce.

When you take these tips into consideration and truly focus on moving forward in a positive manner you can avoid the trauma associated with modern day divorce. 

Building A Life You Desire After Divorce

Getting through a divorce and getting over your divorce are two very different things.  Both are difficult, but getting back into the single life after the divorce puts your life in a different ball game all together. It is important to get back into the game of life sooner than later for you and for your children.  Below you will find some tips to help you start living life and moving on to bigger and better pastures.

The first piece of advice I would give to any man in a divorce or after a divorce is to take some time to grieve. The loss that you are grieving is real.  You have lost your spouse and in some cases time with your children. It is normal to mourn as you are going through a momentous change.  Go through each step of the process; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and then jump back into the game of life.

Keep tabs on how you are feeling from day to day.  Keep a journal of your day to day emotions.  Don’t jump back into the dating pool right away.  Take time to explore yourself and determine who you are, what your likes and dislikes are and figure out exactly what you want for the future for yourself and for your children.  Don’t feel the pressure to be with someone, dating brings on compromise and at this point in time the last thing you need is to do is think about anybody but yourself and your children. 

When it comes to dating as a divorced man especially if you are a single father to boot it is important to take time to really focus on learning who you are and what you want.  The phrase “play the field” comes to mind but just be careful when as you do so.  Don’t involve your children in the chaos of your dating life.  Let them be kids and let them have your undivided attention when you have time with them.  If you are one of the lucky dads that gets primary custody or joint custody use your time with your children to make their lives as normal as possible and leave your dating life for the times when you are without kids.

It is important that you re-build your life.  The environment in which you live will say a lot about your overall mental state of mind for yourself and for your children.  Bring together pieces of your lives throughout the years to make your new home theirs.  This does not mean that you have to bring in pictures of your ex or anything like that however bring in pictures of the kids, vacations taken.  Make sure the kids have comforts of life wherever they are.  This will ensure that they are at home where ever they are.

As a divorced parent, being a dad is your most important job.  Taking care of yourself and your children after your divorce will leave you with the relationships you wish for in the future.   

Handling the Emotions of Divorce

The word divorce brings so many different emotions with it.  For some people the emotions that are brought on with divorce create stress that is so deep it interferes with everything else in their lives.  Functioning from day to day when the stress of an impending divorce looms over is a lot for most people to handle.  One of the best things that you can do for yourself is to learn to cope and move on from the stress, learn to relax and move forward and let the cards play out as they will.  The extra worry that you carry with you will not make the tide turn any more in your favor than it will have without it.  What will help you is to take care of yourself. Put yourself out there, begin to exercise, eat healthy and work to begin producing positive energy and thoughts.  

If you recognize that you are not handling the stress brought on by your divorce there are many things that you can do to turn that cycle into something better focused.  Less stress leaves you healthier and better equipped for life when the divorce dust settles.  This is also true for kids going through divorce and especially difficult child custody arrangements, stress can turn them into people we no longer recognize. 

Tips on Relieving the Burden of Stress a Divorce Causes

The first tip is to get help for all of the emotional needs that are being felt.  Talking with a trained professional is in everyone’s best interest during this most difficult time.  The difference between talking with friends and an impartial third party is the advice that is given on getting you back.  Friends easily sway back into the dwellings of the past where as a professional therapist is moving you out of the past and into the future that awaits you.

Make sure you are moving your body. Stress is not able to physically grab hold of bodies who are focused and moving forward.  Keep your children involved in extra-curricular sports and find a walking club to join or a gym to go to.  It is amazing what your body is capable of while releasing all of the negative.

Make time to do stuff for your needs.  Sit in the tub, read a book, go on a vacation or turn your phone off and have a staycation.  These are times you need to have for yourself and for your family.  Your kids will appreciate the person you are when you are refreshed and rejuvenated.  

This tip is huge for both you and for the kids.  Allow yourself to feel every emotion that is flooding into you.  Emotions will range from grieving to elation and everything in between and out of there.  You will feel it, they will feel it and all of that is healthy.  Feeling it and dwelling on it are two different things.  Don’t dwell on it as that won’t get you anywhere near where you need to be.

Lastly change your outlook.  Change what you expect out of yourself and others.  It is okay to be in control but it is also okay to let other help you. There is a difference between being controlled and allowing someone to help you.  It is okay to realize that and allow yourself to change your expectations towards yourself and your relationships with others.

Divorce is difficult but is even harder when you allow yourself to be buried with stress and burden.

Advice For Men Going Through A Divorce

Divorce is something that can be either a devastating blow or intense freedom.  Either a shattering end or a blissful beginning.  The experience is different and unique for every individual, couple and child that is living it.  Often times men end up taking divorce harder than women.  Men and women end up worrying about a lot of different things when a divorce is filed.  Women worry about the finances, the place to live, keeping a routine while men struggle with the mental aspect including how they could have let their marriage fail.  Men simply have an incredibly hard time dealing with and moving past the idea of failing.  Although divorce is not a failure this is how most men that are not interested in a divorce from their partner see it.

When it comes to statistics men are more likely to go on a path of self-destruction after a divorce. While they aren’t worried about making ends meet, as they usually end up more financially stable than a women does they do end up with the emotional burden.  Men are also less likely to seek help for this which leads them into self-healing through alcohol, food and drugs.

The truth is divorce is over simplified in the world we live in.  When going through a divorce the world has become desensitized because it is so common place.  For this reason men are left to believe that the feelings of regret, sadness and grief are ones that are not common and that should not be felt.  This is anything but the truth.   Our society may make divorce seem common place but this is in fact not the truth and neither party in a divorce should feel like the emotions and phases they are going through in handling the demise of the marriage are wrong or inappropriate.  

Some advice for men experiencing this in their own divorce currently; seek out support.  Don’t allow yourself to become enslaved to harmful habits that will only forgo moving into a healthy life and future.  Experiences in life will hurt, they will bruise your ego but in the end they will make you stronger.  Divorce is a time of change but also a time to connect to the world in a whole different light.  

Learn to be the father you want to be.  The demands of being a partner are no longer on you so take all of that extra energy and turn it into something wonderful for yourself and for your children.  The time you have with them be less than you are used to.  Even the best child custody relationships leave us with our children less than we are used to when what we are used to is full time.  Take the time they are with you and be with them fully both physically and emotionally.  The time when you are apart take time for yourself.  Get to know who you are on your own without the influence of a partner’s opinion and without your kids.  

Become the man you want to be after your divorce not the one that your emotions lead you to be.