Handling Your Divorce In Your Own Way

In our first installment regarding tips for your divorce we talked about the importance of looking out for yourself and not taking advice from other divorcees as it may not fit your divorce. We discussed looking as your divorce as its own separate entity as it is unique to you, your marriage and your situation.

A lot of times you will hear people that claim their divorce was completely amicable and they were able to settle without issue through mediation. While this sounds like a wonderful fantasy of what divorce can be it is the most likely a just that, a fantasy. No matter how cooperative you and your spouse are with each other there are bound to be phases throughout the divorce that you don't see eye to eye. This is especially true when it comes to children and issues relating to parenting time and child support.

This is not to say that you can't find peace in divorce and throughout yours however know that it is okay if your divorce doesn't have a fairy tale ending. Your marriage wasn't a fairy tale so why it is assumed that the divorce should be one is a mystery. Whenever you have third parties involved your divorce becomes trickier. This third party can be an attorney, a new love interest, children or family. When you start involving more people, more opinions come into play and with this come more aggravations. You will never be able to please everyone and in your divorce the only person you need to be concerned with pleasing is yourself while providing a best interest for your child.

When it comes to filing for divorce or being served with divorce papers one thing is true; you will never be as prepared as you will want to be. Once the situation has begun it is important to prepare yourself. Get together a list of important names and numbers that you may need in the future. You will want to also start putting together a list that includes handyman service providers, mechanics, tax preparers as well as any service you were not familiar with in your as wife and mother.

Consider finding something new outside of your divorce to learn and throw yourself into. You will find that you have spare time on your hand. The last thing that is healthy for you or for your family is to sit around and think too much. Be proactive, find something new to do. It can be something as simple as learning how to do small repairs on your car or home. Try anything to occupy your mind and gain knowledge that you didn't previously have. Start learning about budgeting and retirement as this something you will have to reevaluate now that you may be doing this on your own.

Did your heart skip a beat when you thought about that last statement? Only let that happen this once. Strap on your big girl shoes and get on living your new life and letting go of your old life as you proceed through your divorce.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom's in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Knowing You Are Not Alone In Divorce

When a man and a women get married they never want to think that anything could ever end their happily ever after. The truth is that marriage often does end in divorce. The question is why? What are the challenges come between a husband and wife that can tear apart a home? While it is common when looking at divorce filings to see the women as the plaintiff in divorce men do file for divorce as well. Let's explore some of the more common reasons men say they are lead to filing for divorce.

Infidelity is the number one reason couples give when seeking a divorce. It is hard to repair a marriage once a spouse has lost the trust and confidence of their partner. This is especially true when it comes to a wife having an extra marital affair. It is incredibly difficult to forgive someone for intimacy shared with another person especially one that pledged to share their life with only you.

Another issue that is often given by men filing for divorce is due to the inability or lack of desire to have children. The pressure for men to have children to carry on their family's legacy is still alive even now when adoption options are incredibly common. Issues arise frequently when one spouse is unable to provide a child either because of a lack of interest or inability. This can lead to many complications in a marriage that can't stand the test of time.

Love is an overwhelming feeling. Love shows itself in a variety of different ways at first. When you are in a relationship the natural flow of happiness often leads to marriage. The problem that exists is that in this "love" phase we are often blinded by issues with our partners that are sure signs of incompatibility. Incompatibility is another issue that is often cited as a reason for divorce. When there is a difference in attitude, beliefs or opinions that can't be reasoned with men often seek out divorce. Incompatibility and a lack of compromise can quickly turn that overwhelming love into an annoying conflict of interest.

When a family is created the roles that men and women take on are varied. Children take a marriage that was balanced and often throw it off balance. When parents forget to rebalance their roles this can often lead to issues in the marriage. Often women become caregivers to the children and take on a more domestic role. When a man feels he is bringing more to the table than the woman it often leads him feeling as if he is being taken advantage of. This unbalance, if not quickly corrected, can lead a man to file for divorce.

Another thing happens when children are born, a curve in affection. When a child enters a family a new dynamic of attention and affection is created. Often time's men feel that there is a lack of tending to and attention on them. When a spouse feels this neglect they often can become incredibly bitter. A lack of attention and affection from their spouse is a reason divorce attorney's often site as a reason their client is seeking divorce as well.

No matter what reason you have for wanting a divorce it is valuable to know that you are not alone. Your reason is as valid as the next. If your marriage is lacking in any way shape or form you have every right to seek a divorce and create happiness for yourself and your children. If two people choose to stay married when they are clearly unhappy this creates a different set of issues especially when children are involved.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad's in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Learning To Live Life During And After Divorce

When your marriage ends and you suddenly go from being a couple or family to being single it is a huge life adjustment. Getting back into the single life can be hard for men after divorce. This not only includes dating but also hanging out with friends, taking care of yourself as well as your home and other areas of your social life that you left your wife in charge of.  This process will take some time and can be an adjustment for many; the tips below will help you get back into the social groove.

First thing understand that you may need some time after your divorce to clear your head and grieve.  You may have had time while the divorce was in process to get a feel for the single life. Be aware however that many times you will find yourself coping with a different feeling once the divorce is actually final, assets are split and child custody & support agreed upon. You may find yourself starting the grieving process over again and that is okay.  Allow yourself time to mourn the loss of your marriage and old life.

Take time to be alone without being in a relationship or dating.  This time period allows you time to discover who you are, on your own, without the influence of anyone or anything else to compromise with.  The new you, especially the new you with children may not be what you remember from before your marriage.  You owe it to yourself to find out who you are and to adjust.

Take time to do things that you avoided and put off while you were married. This is the time to explore those things you wanted to while married but didn’t because your wife didn’t like it.  Now is the time to do what you want being it travel, fish or buy a motorcycle.  Enjoy yourself and do those things that you compromised because of your commitment to your wife and family.  When you are divorced there is no one to compromise with so the sky is truly the limit for you.  Take time to enjoy it and discover your single life.

Take some time when getting back into the dating game.  Play the field, go on a lot of dates and stay out of relationships to start with.  Many women will understand your desire to stay commitment free for while after your divorce.  If they don’t understand that desire most likely you are falling back into the same traps you may have in your first marriage.  Compromise is good to some point however if you find yourself always on the giving end you are dating in the wrong direction.

More than anything your life after divorce should take into consideration all you learned from your marriage and throughout your divorce.  Take the good and bad experiences and amplify the areas that work while reducing those that don’t.  Learn and grow from past mistakes, bad decisions and hardships.  Move past them and bring only the positives out of what you have learned into your new life. 

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Divorced forty-somethings now have teenage-style love lives with intense and short-lived relationships, new figures show

Divorced over-40s are increasingly enjoying short-lived intense relationships just like teenagers, new figures on divorce show.  

The data reveals that more and more forty-somethings are quickly embarking on new relationships that only last a short period of time with the growth of internet dating believed to be behind the rise.  

The analysis of divorce figures also show that many are also rushing into remarrying on the rebound before quickly finding out it was a mistake. 

In addition, the number of marriages that fail during the first two years has also dropped overall, but has remained on the up for forty-somethings.  

According to figures from the Office for National Statistics, between 2009 and 2012, the number of men divorcing dropped by almost three per cent. Over the last 10 years it has dropped by 39 percent.  

But for men aged over 45, the decline was only by 13 percent. 

Voula Grand, a psychologist and writer told the Telegraph: 'There are a lot of people who get out of long marriages only to get into a new marriage and get into it very quickly. 

 'I can't help wondering whether there is a link with the number of people who meet their next partner online. Internet dating has become a very acceptable way for older people to meet new people.  

'And many of them seem to hurry towards a second marriage and quickly find out it was a mistake.' 

Original Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2597564/Divorced-forty-somethings-love-lives-teenagers-intense-short-lived-relationships-new-figures-show.html

Two Ways Women Often Get Hurt in a Divorce

The biggest financial mistake I see divorcing women make is holding on to illiquid assets. (Men make plenty of mistakes too; I’m going to speak to us ladies in my answer since my wealth-management practice is focused on empowering women).

These illiquid assets tend to bubble up in one of two situations. The first is around the family home. Very, very often I see women want to keep the home–either so as not to disrupt the lives of children or for sentimental reasons. Alas, homes can be money pits at times. Without adequate thought being put into how much annual ongoing maintenance (mortgage payments, property tax, insurance, upkeeps, etc.) will run, it’s very easy to underestimate how difficult a burden the house will be to run on a post-divorce income.

The second area I see illiquid assets bubble up is around the area of splitting investments. In households where there has been enough wealth that venture capital, hedge funds and private equity has been part of the household portfolio, I have seen women get tripped up. With these asset classes it is particularly important to make sure you have a solid understanding of both valuation and liquidity.  If you receive a chunk of assets in a settlement that are locked up for a months–or years–you may find yourself in a very different financial situation than the “raw numbers” indicate. As such, particularly in high-net worth households, it’s important to put your settlement under a financial planning microscope–bring in your wealth manager or CPA to discuss.

P.S. Don’t forget to change your beneficiaries on investment accounts and to update your estate-planning documents post-divorce as well.  That’s another common mistake for both genders!

Original Article Source: http://blogs.wsj.com/experts/2014/04/15/two-ways-women-often-get-hurt-in-a-divorce/

Enjoying Your Life Once Your Divorce Is Final

When your marriage ends one life ends and a new one begins.  The problem is that not everyone is ready for this to happen.  Sometimes one partner in the marriage was not willing to accept that the marriage was ending and therefore the process of moving on and letting go of the past is more difficult than it should be. Below you will find some tips on letting go, moving on, jump starting your future and finding peace.

First things first; come clean with all of your emotions and realize that your life will continue after the end of your marriage.  The feelings that you will have guarantee to run the gamut of emotions as well as to change frequently.  You naturally will feel blame, pity, anger, worthlessness and insecure.  On another spectrum you may feel free, liberated, useful and unrestricted.  How you feel is uniquely personal. Feel what you feel.  It is okay to go through each emotion feeling it completely.  It is also perfectly normal to let it go.  Eventually you will come to the point where your marriage and divorce no longer defines you and you will understand that your marriage will be like a cruise; something you did once before a long time ago.

Some people I meet with you are on the verge of filing for divorce are hanging on out of fear of being alone.  Before there were two you were one and believe it or not you survived.  Just as you have done in the past you will survive on your own.  Being in a broken marriage is far lonelier than actually being on your own and creating a new life for yourself.  It is reasonable to grieve for your loss or the marriage that you assumed you would be in however as with grieving in death there will come a time when you can start to move forward.

The next step may seem impossible at first but is as necessary as any.  Make time to allow yourself to feel good.  Stop burning daylight and get on course to living your new life; a life that you create where you can do or be anything you put your mind to. This will hit you like a ton of bricks.  You won’t notice it happening but one day it will have happened and it will hit you.  All of a sudden you will be living a meaningful, productive life.  You will find yourself taking time in the morning making yourself feel good, you will wear clothing to feel good and that makes you feel attractive.  Be it trying a new sport, wearing a new style of clothes or finally cutting your hair is a style you never contemplated before you will find yourself living life for yourself and no one else. You will have found time to be you and you will feel good about it.

In our next installment on life after divorce we will focus on accepting the next step and jump starting your future now that you have accepted your marriage is over and you are on to living for yourself.  

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com/divorce.php.  

Making Time For Your Future When Your Divorce Is Final

In our last installment on marriage and divorce we talked a lot about learning to accept that your marriage has ended and that a new life awaits you.  We discussed taking steps that create a life worth living and one that is focused on making yourself happy.  Finally feeling worthy of feeling good is something that may take some time but when it finally happens and it hits you the sensation is one that you will want to experience more frequently and bring to your everyday life experiences. 

When you feel fulfilled in yourself what happens naturally is that people begin to be drawn to you.  You may find yourself surrounded with more friends than ever before and dating prospects will start to flow through at a constant pace.  This may be strange and overwhelming at first although it is important to know that this too is a piece of the puzzle; this part is your future. 

Your future still contains pieces of your past. It is possible and vital that you encompass both parts of your life past, present and future into one.  This starts will developing a relationship with your ex especially when children are involved.  The relationship that you have in the future will be and should be so utterly different from your past relationship.  Create a working partnership focused solely on the kids. Your new relationships with other have no basis on your relationship with each other or your children.  It is possible to separate the two and at the beginning is necessary.

Your kids are so important.  I will never say the most important thing in your life because it is always important that self-preservation take a front seat in creating a life you are excited to live.  Most marriages focus too much energy on the happiness of their children therefore leading to demise.  This is why I believe that your children and their feeling are important however separate for the time being from your self-preservation.  When you are with your kids be with them fully.  Spend time with them, do homework with them, don’t allow for outside interruption.  This is most important or the first year following your divorce.  I am not saying they shouldn’t see you happy or hear about your happiness just don’t involve them in any partnership that may be involved in bringing you this happiness.

Make time for you time, personal time and kid time.  This may be the problem you found in your first marriage is that you didn’t have time enough for each individual facet of your life.  This is a mistake that needs to be avoided as your create a future you are excited about living.  When you are married you often find yourself living a life of compromise.  One of the nice parts about your divorce being over and your future being ahead of you is that you get to choose how to live it.  It is important that you take this time to do just that; go live the life that makes you excited about living again!

 Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com/divorce.php.