Ever meet a guy or girl you fell really hard for who didn't
turn out to be the Prince or Princess Charming you imagined? No need for eye
rolling. It's happened to all of us!
Someone once told me that if I didn't want to be
disappointed in a man, I should lower my expectations. What?! No way! I hate
that suggestion!
Here's my advice. If you don't want to be disappointed, TALK
to your guy (or girl.) Telling someone what you want and need instead of saying
nothing and feeling disappointed -- or perhaps sad, angry, bitter or resentful
-- is really smart and honest, and lots of times you end up being shocked that
the person really had no clue.
So, I know it's a bit unfair, but since I'm a woman, I came
up with some things that I think women want when it comes to dating after divorce.
1. No matter
how long we've been in the relationship, we want to be asked out on dates.
Everything from a romantic dinner to a casual stay at home movie night! Ask us
ahead of time and be specific!
2. Foreplay.
We want to be romanced and kissed and we want to know you love us before we
sleep with you. Make us feel beautiful and adored. Turn on the charm!
3. We want
you to hold our hand in public. Not all the time, just sometimes. In other words,
we want to be touched (not just in bed.) Scratch our back, put your arm around
us. Show affection from time to time.
4. We want
you to notice our new sandals or handbag, or our haircut or pedicure, or our
smile. We want you to tell us we look nice when we make the effort.
5. We want
you to be interested in our careers. Ask about our job. Tell us you are proud
when we get recognition or do something commendable.
6. Cry in
front of us if you need to. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable in our arms. We
want to be there for you during the times you really, really, really need us.
We know it's hard for you, but we want you to trust us. A good person doesn't
run from a man who cries, she wipes his tears and listens.
7. We love
when you cook us dinner. I don't care if it's spaghetti and jar sauce. The
thought counts.
8. Listen to
us. Listen to our stupid stories and topics that you don't particularly care
that much about. Listen to things that are important to us and remember things.
9. Be honest
with us. If you want a night out with your friends, just say it. If something
is bothering you about us, just say it. Don't hold it in and then harbor
resentment; just tell us so we can say sorry if we owe you an apology and so we
won't do it again if it was hurtful.
10. Laugh. Be
funny. Be silly. Lighten the mood when things get entirely too serious. Girls
love funny guys!
11. Love us.
Just love us. We are divorced women who are fragile. We have baggage. We are
vulnerable and we are insecure sometimes. Make us feel loved. Reassure us that
you care for us and that you are committed. Love us physically and emotionally.
Girls, I'm not saying that if you ask for these things your
guy will do them and that you will live happily ever after, but you have less
of a chance of being disappointed because you've communicated what you want.
Now you know the guy is aware of it. What he decides to do is then up to him.
That is something you don't have control over.
Original Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/man-up-in-dating-after-di_b_5015050.html
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