Longton Law Offices

Monday, August 31, 2015

Choosing A Healthy Divorce

Is there such thing as a healthy divorce? Does working with one attorney over another make a difference in the health of your relationships once your divorce is finalized? Believe it or not the attorney you choose to help you throughout your divorce really does change the outcome of your relationships with your ex and your children. Divorce is difficult. It is a time that catches you at anything but your best; that is one of the main reasons you need to find an attorney to compliment your end goals and desires. A divorce attorney that understands this will help make the process and end result easier to handle.

The first thing to understand is that your divorce is not a battle. Take the right approach from the start. Find a family law attorney that has this same mindset. Find an attorney that also doesn’t believe that divorce must be a combat situation. If you or your attorney go into the process concerned only with winning your divorce turns into a situation that is hurtful, angry and heated. This is especially harmful if children are involved. It is important that you work together with your ex. This will lead to a relationship after divorce that is cohesive and benefits the emotional well being of both you and your children.

There will be many things that will need to be divided up within your divorce. Consider joint assets for what they are and nothing more. Yes, the blanket that covered your couch may be super comfy but is it really worth fighting for? If your ex is really attached to a piece don’t fight them for it. It is more important that the division of assets is fair. If you choose to be cooperative throughout the process you will find this may entice your ex to do the same. Who cares if in the end you need to buy new dishes or sheets?

It may be difficult to begin talking with your spouse about dividing your joint assets. One way to help ease this conversation is by starting out with a written list. Divide the joint assets up into three categories: things you really want, things you would like and things that don’t really matter. Compare the list you have created with the list your ex has come up with. What this accomplishes is a starting point. You may compare lists and realize that the things you both value are completely different and therefore easier to split. It also allows for a bit of negotiation as you may choose to give up some of those things that you would like in favor of more important pieces that you really want. You will find this true of your ex as well. Your divorce attorneys can set up a time for mediation where this can be discussed in a non-hostile manner.

It is important that you seek legal advice from an attorney that also believes in ending your marriage in a healthy manner. Having an attorney that helps you remain level headed throughout the divorce process will only help to facilitate a healthy end to your marriage and start to your new life.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Choosing a Positive Divorce For Your Children’s’ Sake

One of the biggest concerns that most couples have when they are considering divorce is the impact it will have on their children. How will the children react to living with one parent over the other? Will they understand that your divorce will actually lead to a happier and healthier life for them? Divorce brings with it massive changes. Your children will learn though your example. If you choose to make the change with their well being in mind they will continue to thrive.

Children have a different perception of divorce depending on their age, gender and history with stress. Without proper guidance even the most well adjusted, stable, resilient child can end up with emotional problems and less than desirable long term affects. This does not have to be inevitable. With parents who ensure that this new chapter in life is embraces children can come out of the divorce process rather unscathed.

One way that this can happen is if both parties agree to joint custody and co-parenting. There are a number of challenges that come along with parenting during and after a divorce but if you work together they lessen dramatically. You make have conflicts with your ex that makes this challenging. Communicating cordially can be difficult. There is a reason that you have decided to no longer be married. This however should not impact the decisions that need to be made on behalf of your children.

Make choices together that benefit your children. When co-parenting you are both spending equal amounts of time with your children. Communicating with your ex frequently is part of making this a successful arrangement. Co-parenting should help allow your children’s lives to remain as consistent as they can. One of the goals with co-parenting is allowing your children to live normally between two households. It allows children of divorce the luxury of not having to pack up a suitcase every other weekend to visit with their other parent.

Having children was a choice you made together as is every decision that is made surrounding their lives. Just because you choose to no longer live as one family unit does not mean that your partner is not allowed to weigh in on the decisions that affect them. Co-parenting allows you the opportunity to both remain in control of each and every aspects of parenting. You will need to work together on a common set of rules that need to be abided by no matter which home they are in. The transitions from one home to the other should be made without any noticeable difference to avoid any undue impact on your children.

When it comes to bigger issues or to a disagreement on how to approach an issue with the children you will be challenged. Don’t go into battle with your ex. This is not helpful to the end goal and will only put your children in the middle. Depending on what the issue is will depend on how it is handled. You can consult with a mediator, schedule time for a consultation with a co-parenting specialist or agree to disagree but support the end decision.

Consulting with a co-parenting specialist is one way in which many divorce parents make the arrangement work well. Not every detail is one that needs to be debated. Some issues can be resolved by doing what works well at one house verse the other. While other issues need to be addressed the same no matter where the children are at any given moment. A consultant specializing in the co-parenting arrangement can work with you to come up with a parenting plan that works under both roofs. This arrangement allows for the adverse affects of divorce on your children to be as minimal as any change of this magnitude can be.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

The Unpredictability In Marriage

No one person fully understands why some marriages last while others don’t. There are however some common elements that we see to why couples seek a divorce. Some marriages fall apart because of a number of elements while others just seem to disintegrate for no reason at all. The list below includes common elements divorce attorneys see in cases of divorce. Knowing what causes a major to fail may help individuals avoid these failings when seeking a long term relationship in the future.

The most common reason men and women give that are looking to dissolve their marriage is unfaithfulness. Infidelity causes approximately sixty five percent of all marriages to end. The hurt that comes along with one spouse cheating on another is almost always a hurt that cannot be mended. Marriages where infidelity occurs must take massive steps towards repair in order to survive.

Another common reason for divorce is financial disagreements. Often one partner is a spender and one is a saver. Instead of working together to determine an appropriate budget to meet both their needs the situation is often ignored. This leads both partners to feel major resentment towards the other. This cycle has many pitfalls that eventually lead to divorce.

Addiction is another main reason given as reason that individuals are seeking a divorce. Addiction to sports, gambling, liquor, drugs or any other substance that causes one spouse to neglect another leaves one spouse feeling neglected and unloved. In marriage neither partner wants to take a backseat in the others life. When addiction occurs the person can no longer see the needs of his or her partner and therefore the downward spiral occurs. If you notice addictive tendencies in a person before you marry don’t think that just because they get married they will change. This simply does not occur. It doesn’t matter what promises are made beforehand.

Physical attraction is most often the first thing that draws us into an attraction and therefore is one of the top reasons the attraction dissolves. This sounds crazy to many of us however is a very legitimate reason involved in seeking a divorce. One spouse may feel resentment towards the other if they have gained weight or their appearance has changed drastically. This decrease in attraction can cause a lack of sexual interest both which result in a failed marriage.

Violence and physical abuse are also listed as top reasons marriages end in divorce. If one spouse is verbally or physically abusive the marriage is doomed. This behavior will become more and more violent especially if the abuser doesn’t recognize the issue at hand. If one partner is unwilling to change a divorce is inevitable.

Immaturity is another common occurrence in marriage that leads one spouse to file for divorce. Marriage is intended for two committed adults. When one of these individuals fails to advance to the next level of maturity it can become too cumbersome a job for the other to take on. Raising children on top of dealing with an immature spouse can become overwhelming.

Marriage is not to be entered into lightly and neither is divorce. Divorce attorneys advise couples experiencing any type of conflict first meet with a counselor to seek out resolution before committing to a divorce. After this process there will be clarity on whether a reconciliation can be worked towards or not.

Divorce Attorney Specializing In Men’s Well Being During and After Divorce

Did you know that women file for divorce twice as often as men? Any man that has gone through a divorce will tell you that the experience and effects it has on them is devastating. It is important to make good choices before getting married. Take into account the following information to help decrease the chances of experiencing any of these devastating outcomes.

Forty percent of marriages end in divorce. This is an unfortunate statistic. It becomes expected that people marry and therefore often occurs in haste. Getting married is all too simple. Perhaps if this process was more difficult fewer marriages would end in divorce. Take time to really get to know an individual before you choose to get married. Perhaps take marriage classes to better prepare you for spending your lifetime learning to compromise. Marriage is a journey of two people learning to combine their lives into one. If either person is not committed to this there will eventually be discourse.

With divorce as common as it is blended families are the new norm. Sixty eight percent of children between the ages of fourteen and eighteen live in a blended family. This may be the number one reasons that teen delinquency is on the rise. Children in blended families often feel the effects of their parents’ divorce and suffer from ever feeling whole again. They often feel that when their parents remarry they become less important. New love takes over a parent’s attention which can cause children to feel neglected.

When men divorce the hardest adjustment for them to make is the one with their children. It is an adjustment when they no longer see their children on a daily basis. For divorced dads it is important for them to focus on their children and becoming involved in their lives. It is crucial that they seek a parenting arrangement that allows equal parenting time. This will help secure the bond he has with his children. The worst thing a divorced dad can do is to think that visiting his children every other weekend is acceptable. Children will come to resent a father that sends a check each week but only chooses to be a part of his children’s lives on the weekend.

Another difficultly in divorce is splitting friends. Couples are often made to choose sides when their friends divorce. Many times women end up coming out on top with the friends they made as a couple. This leaves newly divorced men seeking new connections or lonely. If the man is fortunate he will have remained in touch with his guys friends pre-marriage and they will become more important as he reenters life as a single man.

The list of undesirable outcomes goes on and on for men devastated by divorce. Divorce is never the end we look at when entering into marriage however as statics show it is become increasingly common. Before you look into marriage it is crucial that you are aware of the devastation that can occur for a man if a divorce becomes inevitable. Divorce attorneys are often quoted saying that more devastation occurs for a man when going through a divorce. Women often seek out support where as men do not thus leaving them alone to navigate newly charted water.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Steps To Take Before Divorcing

Before a couple decides that their marriage is over and a divorce is inevitable it is advisable to seek out alternative options. While not every marriage is salvageable it is best to be sure yours isn’t before taking the step to dissolve it permanently. Divorce is a difficult process not only for you and your spouse but also for your children and extended family. Strongly consider looking into some or all of the options below before calling it quits. Divorce is the last step in marriage and considerably one that should be worked to avoid.

Seek out the advice of a divorce attorney even as you try to salvage your marriage as they can also help you to protect yourself in this volatile state. A divorce attorney has critical advice to share as well as contacts within your local community to help you as you salvage your marriage and thereafter if divorce is the chosen option in the end.

Marriage counseling is the first step that is often recommended to couples who are struggling to keep their marriage intact. Marriage counseling takes commitment and work from both partners to have any hope at success. Counseling will help you identify problems in the marriage and work towards resolution. Even if in the end you feel like a permanent separation in the form of divorce is needed you and your spouse should take away a good deal of information to help lead towards productive communication as issues come about in the divorce and custody process.

A trial separation may be a next step to consider as it will allow you and your spouse to work on your issues apart. The hard part of a trial separation is when it comes to your children. Try to work out a solution that allows you to separate but not uproot the children and their day to day routine and activities. The space that comes with a trial separation is invaluable. In order for this to be an effective manner in which you continue to work on your marriage you must work together. Create a timeline so that both parties have specifics on how long the separation will last and what each of you desires upon reconciliation.

When moving forward with either of the above options or both of them it is important that you seek advice from an attorney specializing in divorce. Seeking council should not be considered a step closer to the dissolution of your marriage but instead as a way to protect yourself if in fact a divorce is inevitable even after marriage counseling and/or a trial separation.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom's in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Focusing On The Positive Effects Of Divorce On Your Children

The effects your divorce has on your children don’t all have to be negative. Some aspects of divorce can actually affect your children in a positive manner. If your marriage is one of unhappiness and void of love and respect your children see this hurt every day. So even though divorce will be difficult on your children positives may occur. Your children’s reality is built around you both as parents. This does not mean that it is the only way in which this can occur is under the same roof.

There will be issues that come and go with having parents under separate roofs but they are not any worse than those that can arise with two parents under one roof that are not working as a one. There are several ways in which parenting together under different roofs leaves your children better off than the alternative.

Communication is the key to ensuring your kids are not afflicted by the negative effects divorce can have on them. The dissolution of your marriage and those issues are between the two of you and have absolutely nothing to do with the children you created together. Leave your children out of the discussion that surround finances, property division, custody agreements and such. Let your kids be kids. When you are with them communicate in an appropriate manner with your ex. Be civil enough to communicate with one another with the details surrounding visits as well as the children’s day to day life. You don’t have to agree but those are the details that should be left out when talking with your children or when they are in ear shot.

Your children should not be expected to change the lifestyle they are accustomed to because of your divorce. This is something that is not always possible but working together should be probable. Money spent on your children, for your children and such is just that, money spent on the children you chose to have together. If your children are accustomed to having a cell phone for instance, this is not an expense that is normal to be included when deciding upon a reasonable monthly child support stipend. Make arrangements with your ex to split the bill no matter whose name the bill is under. These situations will arise time and time again with driver’s education, school field trips or outings with friends. Be clear that the money that is spent for child’s support if used for the basic necessities such as food, clothing and shelter. The extras should not be expected to be taken from this fund.

The effects of your divorce on your children will depend on the two of you. Good communication does not mean that you agree on each and every decision what is does mean is that the effects of your divorce on your children will be more positive then negative.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Planning For Summer As A Divorced Parent

Summer is a tricky time for divorced parents. Below you will find some hands on tips to create a summer with less stress and minimal conflict.

A key element to summer is structure. Parents who are separated or divorced must have a plan in place that helps to define how their children time will be spent throughout the summer months. If planning your children’s summer out together is too much for the two of you to handle alone meet with your divorce attorney’s present with a mediator to establish clearly the division of time. This way each parent can structure their children’s summers as they see fit when they are in their custody. If one parent is pro summer camp then set up an arrangement where they attend camp while with that parent and they also assume the cost.

Expenses throughout the summer need to be planned out carefully. Childcare is large expense that may not have been a part of the equation in past summers. Again, the cost of childcare is something that needs to be specifically addressed. Clarity with these situations will help prevent surprises. This process can be seamless with the help of your divorce attorney and a mediator.

Summer can often be a time of last minute changes. This may not work well if you are not able to communicate with your ex-spouse. To avoid any unnecessary conflicts for your children don’t assume that your last minute plans and changes will not be met with resistance. When these occasions occur put yourself in their shoes. The changes you are making may interfere with plans that they have set in stone. Follow the written plan that is in place. If you need to make changes or are asking for your ex to adjust time request the change in writing with as much advanced warning as possible. Don’t put your children in the middle if your spouse declines and chooses to remain true to the schedule set in place.

Try to put all other personal conflicts aside when working out a parenting plan for the summer. Detach yourself from other conflicts and divide them into smaller more manageable pieces. Don’t let your feelings towards one another affect summertime fun. Never try to outdo each other. Your goal as parents throughout the summer should be clearly defined, financially reasonable and simple to accomplish. It is only three months; a plan should be established and followed by both parents.

Don’t involve your children in summertime conflicts. Make sure that summer is kept carefree and filled with memories. Memories don’t cost money. Make sure you understand even the simplest day trip can make a long lasting impression upon your child. After a divorce it is especially important to understand that your children want your time and attention not fancy vacations and non-stop summer camps.