Monday, December 28, 2015

Co-Parenting Helps Raise Emotionally Healthy Children

Maintaining a good relationship with your ex for the sake of raising your children together is not always easy.  It is simpler to walk away from your ex and think of them as a distant memory the minute the divorce decree is signed but this is not as easy for those who share custody of a children.  In order to live with your ex on a daily basis it is crucial to learn how to cope with them on a regular basis.  A good relationship with your children’s father after your divorce takes a lot more commitment and effort on your part than your marriage ever did.  In order to do this there are five basic reminders to live by.  Living by these five rules on a regular basis will lead you to the happiest life possible for you and your children.
All animosity between the two of you should be left behind: With any life change, especially divorce comes a period of transition.  Your life has been changed and now you are left to lead the type of life you truly want to.  This will start a while new chapter for you, your ex and your children.  Leave the resentment and past problems right where they are.  The past is the past and the present is yours to define with your ex and the children shared between the two of you.
Don’t worry about the stigma of divorce: When a couple gets married and divorced at a young age the thought is that the marriage was rushed into. The stigma is that you were not as mature as older adults who marry later in life.  Marriage takes a commitment along with a lot of hard work; it is not for many couples no matter how young or old they are.  Having children makes marriage a whole lot more work as well no matter how old you are when you get married and settle into having children.  Don’t let other peoples judgments create your story.
Don’t make our friends and family chose sides:  When a divorce takes place it is important to ensure your family and friends that there is no need to take sides.  This is especially important when it comes to co-parenting.  The families remain a vital part of your children’s lives and therefore will remain a part of yours and your ex’s.  Do your best to foster this and grow a relationship with all of the people in your children’s lives.
Don’t forget to be flexible and respectful:  If your children want to babysit the dog they shares with your ex while he is away on a business trip allow for a change of plans.  If your ex needs to switch days he is with your son, do so without a hassle.  This will foster a better relationship between the two of you and make the times you need help a bit easier for him to return the favor and help you.  Plus it shows your children there can be a win-win situation in a divorce.
No matter how turbulent your divorce was it is time to write a new future with your ex for the sake of your children.  Keep an outlook that focuses on the benefits of co-parenting. Divorce attorneys will tell you that a positive, fresh outlook on co-parenting while leaving the dust of the divorce to settle is in the best interest of all parties.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at

Co-Parenting Gives Children Stability After A Divorce

Co-parenting is important when it comes to giving your children the stability they thrive on while continuing to have close relationships with both parents and both sides of their families.  It is not easy but co-parenting with your ex gives your children a chance to grow up in an environment that promotes family unity.  Co-parenting allows you to create a working, parenting relationship with your ex for the sake of your children.  With the following tips in mind you and your ex can remain calm, consistent while resolving to avoid conflict with one another.
It will be difficult to move past the history that is shared with your ex but joint custody arrangements help to create a new path for your children.  To begin upon this new joint venture with your ex it is crucial that you begin making shared decisions, begin interacting during drops offs and speak to one another.  It may be difficult when in reality all you want to do is forget that person but in order for your children to retain close relationships with both you and the children’s father.
One of the best ways that this can be accomplished is to begin thinking about this relationship as a new one all together.  One that is no longer about either of you but instead only centered on what is best for your children.  This is the first step in becoming a mature co-parent after your divorce.
Children will begin to realize that they are more important than the conflict that resulted in your divorce when you can put it all aside and co-parent.  No matter what the circumstance of your divorce co-parenting allows children to a variety of feelings including:
  • Security: Feeling secure is important no matter what age you are but as children it is imperative. When a child feels confident that they are loved by both parents they will adjust quicker and more easily to their divorce. This will also allow them to have a higher level of self-esteem than children of divorced parents who chose not to co-parent.
  • Children of parents whom are divorced benefit from the consistency that comes along with it. Many divorce attorneys will tell you children that are co-parented have consistently better behavior because they are under the same rules, discipline, rewards and can understand what is expected of them and what they should expect.
  • Co-parenting often fosters a better ability for children to solve their problems. They will see their parents working together thus fostering their children’s ability to effectively and peacefully solve problems that arise on their own.
  • Children with parents that are working to raise them together also create a healthy example to follow. This is a pattern that will follow them and carry them into their future relationships.
The main element involved in co-parenting is that the focus stays on the children and your children only.  This can be a hard transition but it is vital for your children’s future well being that you both chose to work together and put aside the emotions of anger, hurt and resentment you have towards one another.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at

Monday, November 30, 2015

What To Expect As A Modern Woman Going Through A Divorce

No one is an expert when it comes to divorce. Every divorce is unique and offers a different set of challenges. There are however common bonds that, frequently made mistakes and unexpected results that all occur in one form or another when women are going through the divorce process. In this installment divorce attorneys share some information that has been shared with them to help get women through their divorces both financially and emotionally. 

Not only does the divorce itself take awhile the finality of it tends to take a long time to recover from. This is natural and should be taken in stride. You will recover from your divorce. It may take you a longer period of time than it did your best friend, your sister or co-worker but it will happen. There will be days you can barley function while others where you are concurring the world. Surround yourself with a variety of support systems and continue to move through the process until one day you wake up and it is not the first thing you think about.

The divorce attorney you choose is important. Don't settle for a criminal defense attorney, a probate attorney or any other type other than a family law attorney that specializes in divorce, child custody, alimony with a focus on women's rights in divorce. A local divorce attorney specializing in family law will get you a better settlement than anyone else. They are versed in divorce proceedings, local judges and other local attorneys. They will work the system to make sure you come out on top. 

Dig into your finances. Don't let your spouse tell you what you have and what you don't have. It is important to gain access to all financial documentation that either one of you possesses. So many divorces occur because of financial disagreements. Before you even file or your spouse gets wind that you plan to leave start to organize and access all of your joint accounts and all of the single accounts you both have. Online passwords should be documented along with the name and account number of all accounts that are held by either of you or jointly. The more information you gather the better off you will end up financially once the marriage dissolves. 

Consider how much it will cost you to live independently. The well being of you and your children will depend a lot on the financial aspect of the divorce. Estimate high on living expenses and such. Don't let the emotions of the divorce get in the way of ensuring that you are your children will continue to live the lifestyle you have become accustomed to. Keep in mind incidentals that may not be able to be kept after the divorce such as health care. If your spouse is currently carrying insurance on you and the kids it needs to be specified that this will continue or that they will compensate the loss out of pocket. 

The goal in any divorce is to split from one another. It is not important who is at fault and trying to get back at one another only leads to more problems in the end. Leave the complicated stuff to the divorce attorneys to work out and start fresh. Your ex will more than likely be willing to comply with what you are asking for if the proceedings are coming along without a lot of drama. Both parties are looking for a clean break and a fresh start to move on. Your divorce frees you from any obligation you had to your spouse. It is a perfect time to head out into the world and become the you that may have been oppressed in your marriage.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom's in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at

Reasons The Divorce Rate Keeps Rising

Worldwide the rate of divorce continues to rise.  Despite the fact that going through a divorce is viewed as the number one cause of stress.  Divorce causes stress for not only the two of you but for your children and extended families.  It is a difficult process to divide a lifetime of assets let alone the children within the family.  This is not to say that you should ever stay in a marriage that is unhealthy or unhappy.   When your marriage is over the process of divorce will feel like less of a difficulty and more of an end goal to a happily ever after.

The laws around the world have made it more feasible for divorces to occur.  This may be one of the many reasons that the divorce rate continues to rise.  If one partner feels that they would be better off after a divorce than continuing to live unhappily married the divorce process can begin.  In the U.S. there is a law that states no one person has to be at fault in order for a divorce to be granted.  A no-fault divorce is common now-a-days.  When proceeding with a divorce before no-fault divorces became the norm individuals had to prove fault.  One partner had to prove that their spouse was mentally incapacitated, cheating, lying, abusive or any other of the viable reasons that a divorce was better than the couple staying together and trying to work it out together. 

Another reason the divorce rate is rising is that more and more women are seeking careers outside of the home.  In a society where specific roles are still seen it is difficult for many men and women to adjust to this new development.  A lot of men have been raised in a manner in which they see themselves as the sole provider for their families.  When a women seeks a job outside of the household both roles have to adjust.  It is impossible for women to be solely responsible for the household as well as holding down a full time career.  For some men this is not an easy adjustment and therefore leaves them feeling wounded and fragile egos aren’t easily repaired. 

Both men and women have a lot of support and options once they have decided to get a divorce.  Support groups, counseling and therapy have become accepted in society.  Men and women are less fearful of the stigma that was present before.  Divorce is seen in movies, on television and is perceived differently than it had been in previous years. 

With divorce rates increasing it is important to understand that it is crucial to have proper representation.  A divorce attorney specializing in family law will provide the best representation in divorce.  The outcome of your divorce will strongly be dependent upon the council you choose to represent you.  A divorce attorney that specializes in men’s rights in divorce will procure the best results for any man seeking a divorce.  If you are looking to create equal parenting arrangements, equal financial distribution and equality in the process as a whole seek a divorce attorney that represents your best interests. 
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at

Friday, October 30, 2015

Women Should Know This Before They Get Divorced

There are so many feelings that occur when getting divorced.  It is important to consider even the most unexpected situations to better prepare yourself for what can happen after your divorce is finalized.  Here are the top issues that women have shared about their experiences during and after their divorce.
Recovery May Take Longer Than You Thought:  Even the strongest of women admit they have a hard time functioning after a divorce.  Every person going through a divorce heals at their own pace.  Some women bounce back immediately while others take years to get back to living on their own.
Choose Your Divorce Attorney Wisely: Choose an attorney that specializes in family law.  A divorce attorney is the best option to handle your divorce.  Sometimes a criminal attorney will take on a divorce case.  This is not your best option when choosing an attorney.  A family law attorney specializing in divorce is the best option in getting the best possible settlement.
Dig Into All Finances Both Individual and Joint:  Many divorces, actually about forty percent, center around finances.  When you are getting divorced it is important that you get all of the information pertaining to your finances both individually and together.  Gather information on all of the accounts held within the home.  Figure out what payments are made automatically and where money is invested.  The more you know, the more your attorney can get for you in a settlement.
Determine What Future Living Expenses Will Be:  It is important to be financially set once the divorce occurs.  Your well being, as well as the well being of your children is of the utmost importance.  Gather an estimate of what you believe the current cost of living is before the divorce proceedings begin.  You need to know what you will have to have in the future to maintain the lifestyle you are accustomed to.
Consider Unexpected Costs:  It is never easy to think about the future expenses that may arise but when going through a divorce it is important to do just that.  An account is needed to assist with unexpected expenses that occur during and after the divorce proceedings.   It is important to have a savings that covers three months of expenses upon separation and divorce.
Hurting Your Ex Usually Backfires: Hurting your ex in turn hurts your children.  Anything you say or write is out there forever and always for your children to see or hear.  Be careful when talking about your ex.  Kill them with kindness over trashing them.  In the long run you will end up in a better position than if you choose to bash them.
Your Kids Will Hide Their Feelings From You:  Kids are notorious for saying they are fine when in fact nothing about them is okay.  The behavior of your children will change after they experience their parents divorcing.  Younger children may become clingy and want to sleep with you.  Older children may start disobeying and acting out in more dangerous ways.  Whatever your child does it is important to see it and address the situation with care and understanding.  A counselor or family therapist is incredibly helpful to assist children in working through their feelings and getting to a point of acceptance.
Divorce Is Freeing:  More than anything women find that after some time they actually feel free after their divorce is over.  Living life for you without compromising with another individual is the most freeing experience a woman can feel.  Embrace the new chapter that is opening.  Your book is open ended after you have experienced a divorce.  Choose new hobbies, get the kids involved in activities that you can enjoy together and start to move forward; creating a new chapter is an incredibly freeing adventure for newly single women.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at

Mistakes Men Should Avoid After Divorce

Accepting life after your divorce is hard on everyone involved.  Even under the best of conditions men have a difficult time adjusting to single life after being married.  Make it easier on yourself, your ex and your children by avoiding these common mistakes that are most often made following a divorce.
Dating Too Soon: To many men think that jumping back into the dating game right away is a sure way to get over their ex and begin moving on with their lives.  This is far from reality. In fact dating before the dust settles on your divorce can hinder your new relationship as well as the relationship you share with your children and ex.
Just because you are feeling alone, exposed and distressed doesn’t mean you should seek out a female companion to fill the void.  Instead begin to date casually.  Don’t take on a relationship until you have figured out life as a newly divorced man.  This can take up to two years to officially happen.  Slow down your dating game and explain to anyone you are interested in dating that you have been through a tough divorce and are not ready for a committed relationship.  Recognize that the time is not right for a relationship that constrains you in anyway.
Isolating Themselves: After a divorce it is easy for men to become cut off from the rest of the world.  This is especially true when a woman gets full custody of their children.  This alone can worsen any feelings of guilt, depression and lonesomeness that is felt.  In factdivorced men are more likely to experience suicide and alcoholism.
Instead of turning to drinking and thoughts of hurting yourself turn to old friends or family members.  Join a health club, join a softball team or join a professional association through work.  All of these activities will help you avoid the feeling of despair that can be felt by men experiencing divorce.
Giving In To Hostility:  Another common mistake that men give into is the hostility they are feeling towards their ex.  Don’t continue to fight with your ex especially when children are involved.  Don’t be the enemy.  When you are co-parenting it is easy to be at odds with your ex.  You may not always get your way on how to parent your children.  Learn to take this all in stride.  Take time to manage your feelings; there needs to be a middle ground when situations arise that you go to in order to seek a mutual resolution.
Don’t yield too much of yourself or your role as a parent to your ex.  If you are willing to put in the work you will see the results in the relationship you share with your children and ex.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Adapting To Life After Your Divorce

Divorce is an event within a family that creates a great deal of trauma and emotional distress.  The way that people react to divorce is different.  Each situation garners its own reaction.  For many, it can be quiet a liberating experience that allows them the space they need to grow while others can fall into despair emotionally and financially. 
Adapting to life after divorce will depend on the temperament of each individual.  Some newly divorced individuals make full use of this new found freedom and hit the road running towards new horizons and brighter futures.  Other divorcees sulk around thinking about their pasts, scared of their future.   Divorce changes your life in a billion different ways and fortunately sometimes it ends up better.
Individual Liberty
When two people are married they live their lives in a manner that is acceptable to both partners.  Compromise is a large part of any marriage.  The things you like, the places you go and your hobbies start to conform to those of your partners.  This is drastically different than life after divorce After your divorce you are able to live the life you choose.  There is freedom to come and go as you please, socialize with whomever you want to and live without explanation.  This is true in every manner of your new life from your career choice to the food you eat.  Each and every decision you make is your own without compromise. 
Fresh Start
When you have gone through a divorce you are enabled to begin living life all over again.  There are no restrictions placed on your new life from anyone else.  If you were ever physically or verbally abused you no longer have to live with that nightmare in the background.  You can choose to move to a new city to start your life; you can travel for awhile or create a plan for your life that you alone are in charge of.  Starting fresh allows you to take the things you want out of your old life with you while leaving the other stuff behind.
Financial Empowerment
When you are married your assets become jointly owned.  When you buy something new when you are married it is influenced by your spouse’s approval or disapproval.  No matter where you are in the relationship, whether you are the higher paid spouse or not you still only have fifty percent of the vote on how to spend or save your financial assets.  Financial empowerment is one of the largest revelations newly divorced people enjoy.  Your money is yours.  You can choose to be thrifty and save it or you can choose to be wasteful and spend it without answering to anyone.  You can live the lifestyle you want.  You no longer need to seek approval.  Your budget is now within your complete control. 
There are several positives that come from getting a divorce especially if you were in a marriage that was less than ideal.  That is not to say that divorce is without disadvantages as well.  Single parenting and financial troubles are two side effects that divorce can often bring.  Paying child support and alimony sometimes results in more than fifty percent of your take home pay.  Financial pain can be felt in that now two mortgages are being paid, two utilities, food for two homes etc.  This can be a burden which leads to an unexpected life style change. 
Single parenting is no picnic either.  No matter if you have joint custody or full custody or only visitation you are now the sole person responsible for your children when they are with you.  There is never a break in parenting when you are divorced.  This can be difficult for many parents.  You know play all the roles in parenting not just the ones you are comfortable in.  This is a strange zone to enter especially if you played a specific role, such as primary disciplinarian, in parenting.  You will have to figure out a way in which to learn when discipline is necessary and when it isn’t which something that you may have taken for granted that your spouse used to do for you.
If you find yourself at a cross road in your marriage sit down with a divorce attorney to go over what options you have available.  After talking with a family law specialist you may find that working towards reconciliation is a better option for you or you may not.  The point is that you need to thoroughly explore the good, the bad and the ugly of divorce and its aftermath before diving head first.  For most of us marriage was not something we decided upon on a whim; your divorce should not be either.    
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom's in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at