Divorce is a brutal experience for all parties involved
especially for your children. So many
different issues will hold feelings for your children that will forever change
how they feel about themselves, the two of you as a couple, as individuals and
of course the entire family unit. It
will not matter how old they are when you decide that a divorce is eminent, a
divorce will be hard to understand. Many
children continue to hold on to fantasies of reconciliation.
You often times have children who feel responsible for their
parents marital demise. If filing for a
divorce comes after a family blow up this is especially true. Kids take situations that involve them and
begin to analyze how their involvement was the start of conflict between their
parents. As illogical this is to us as adults
for them it is very real. Children
believe if they behaved differently they could have in turn prevented their
parent’s marriage from falling apart. One
of the best things you can do for your children throughout your divorce and
well after is allowing them to meet and talk with a professional. Some divorce lawyers have in-house therapists
that assist both parents and children through the divorce process.
Below are some tips on making your divorce easier on your
children; children that are the best piece of the two of you together. This is important to remember no matter how
much hostility you are feeling.
Breaking News of the
Divorce to the Kids
Prepare yourself when breaking the
news to your children. It will be
incredibly emotional for all of you. A
clear, kid friendly version of what happened to cause the split as well as
clear expectations of the events to come should be where you begin with your
children. They are so much smarter and
intuitive than we give them credit for.
Listen to them; sometimes all they want is to be heard.
Don’t Make Them Feel
Like They Have to Choose
Children are so
impressionable. Remember their lives are
being turned upside down as is yours. Don’t allow your children to be put in
the middle of your issues. They should
never be asked to choose sides. This
will only create undue pressure.
Children should never have to decide who is right or wrong in the chaos
that they are experiencing.
Badmouthing your
Partner is an Absolute Don’t
It does not matter how you feel
never ever express your negative feelings about your partner in front of your
children. The two of you will forever be
working together in their best interest. There will be birthday parties,
homecomings, proms, plays, graduations, weddings and life in general happening
after the divorce that will involve you both.
Your children will always see the two of you as the best mom and dad
ever and should never have to experience any feeling other than that. When
there is a conflict on how one of you is addressing situations that arise with
the kids that should be discussed in private away from the kids.
Be Truthful In All
Interactions
Kids don’t necessarily have to
understand everything that is happening in the divorce however there is no reason that
anything but clear explanations are given.
Don’t create a fantasy explanation.
Just tell your children the truth up to the point that they can
handle. Forgo the details when not
important.
Listen and Allow Them
to Talk
They have feeling that should be
considered throughout the divorce. It is
emotional for you and your ex as well but for them they are not in control of
any of it. This is where you come
in. As the adult listen to them without
defending yourself, listening to them and their insecurities and offer only an
ear and a shoulder to lean on.
Kids go through the divorce process right alongside of their
parents. Remain strong with them and
have your own support system of adults that you can lean on. Don’t use your kids to support your divorce
campaign. They don’t see it as right and
wrong. Divorce is not a black and white
issue when it comes to your children.
Never depend on your children; they are to know at all times that you
are the strong one and that they can depend on you.
