Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Surviving The Holiday As A Newly Divorced Dad

As a divorce father, the trickiest times of year fall around children’s birthdays and throughout the holiday season.  This is especially true for newly divorced dads.  With each year that passes new traditions start to take hold and the season pass without thinking too much about the way things used to be.  Unfortunately it takes time to get comfortable with the way the family is now structured as well as creating new rituals, traditions and special moments together.
When it comes to raising children after divorce there are some couples who can happily agree on everything to do with their children.  They jointly are involved in everything and are comfortable with the new life each has developed.  However, there are some couples that no matter what have a hard time agreeing on a joint way to handle anything involving their children.
Sharing custody can happen in a way that you are both a part of everything and that the only basic difference is which house the kids are sleeping at that night.  It can also be drastically different, one in which the only time you have with your children is the time you are scheduled with them.  You can only attend sporting events when the kids are on your time, you can only attend school functions that fall during your allotted custody time.  The arrangement you have throughout the year will really dictate the natural progression of the holiday season.
If you and your spouse can’t stand one another it is unfathomable that Santa will make just one visit to an agreed upon destination.  If this is the case and you find yourselves unable to put aside your differences you will have to create a new tradition with your children.  Maybe on the Christmas you don’t have the children Santa brings a destination vacation instead of presents.  Then during your allotted time you can go away with them and spend time making memories that have nothing to do with the normal holiday traditions.  On the years in which they celebrate Christmas with you consider going all out on traditional happenings found throughout the season.  The key is to be flexible.  Enjoy the time that you have with them instead of allowing the focus to be on the time without them.
No matter what your level of communication is with your ex it is always advisable to have a plan.  Choose to be proactive in planning for holidays, birthdays etc… and be willing to be the flexible parent.  This goes a long way with making the time your children have with you less stressful.  You may find that you are the one always biting the bullet especially when special occasions come up.  This is hard to take in at first but your ability to flow through these situations will stay with your children forever.  They will see you as the one sacrificing and the one easing their distress.  Choose to be kind and generous.  It is something that your kids will appreciate.
This being said you don’t have to be a push over.  Of course, if there is an issue it is best to meet with your divorce attorney and ask for guidance.  Maybe it is time to meet with friend of the court to work out a more suitable agreement, something that better addresses special occasions within the children’s lives.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Easing Holiday Stress For Newly Divorced Moms

The holiday season is one that brings enough stress with it all on its own without worrying about how you will handle certain events with your divorce being finalized.  Approaching the holidays after divorce, especially when you have children, doesn’t have to be filled with anxiety.  With a bit of preparation and the right mind set the first holiday season without your ex can be the best you have had in a long time.
Some things newly divorced moms worry about is family gatherings, parties of mutual friends and of course Santa’s visit.  The one thing to remember is that this is a year of changing traditions.  The things you were traditional for you and your family at holidays pasts will be memories to share and enjoy but this year will be about new traditions.  Creating a joyful, stress free holiday is the best present two parents can give to their children whether they are married or divorced.
Some couples get along better after their divorce is final.  If this is how you are with your ex that it may be just fine to continue to celebrate Christmas morning together so that you are both able to witness the joy of the season that is shared with small children.  Santa coming is a big part of a young child’s Christmas and therefore may be one time where you will choose to come together.
If this is not the case and you and your ex are unable to be amicable then spare yourself the stress of the above scenario.  Santa can and will visit two separate homes when situations arise that he needs to.  If this is the first Christmas in which you will be celebrating separately consider going on vacation or to stay with friends.  Gifts from Santa found under a different tree then the one shared with your ex may be just the ticket to make it through this very first Christmas.
To avoid issues when it comes to the two of you making holiday plans including the children make a solid action plan a few weeks in advance.  If this is not something that will be easy for the two of you on your own consider meeting with your divorce attorney’s and having a plan drawn up that is recognized by friend of the court.  This may be the only solid way that last minute deviations to the plan are avoid and the holiday remains uncomplicated.  Never leave things up to the children or adhere to a plan with a wait and see what happens approach.  Nothing good comes of this for your children.  They will be riddle with anxiety and you will be devastated if your plans are derailed last minute because of plans your ex miscommunicated with you.
Although your kids shouldn’t be left to plan the holiday season their school schedule and personal desires should be kept in mind while creating the grand plan.  If your children have always loved cutting a tree down do this with them.  This is something that they will enjoy doing more than once within the holiday season.  Who is to say that because it was something you did with your ex it isn’t something you can continue to do without them.
Above all remember that the holiday season is all about enjoying quality time with loved ones.  This is possible to do, after your divorce!  Take a moment to create the holiday season you have always wanted.  This year there is no limit or compromise.  Plan parties, bake cookies and decorate to the fullest extent.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom's in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.