Tuesday, January 14, 2014

A Step In The Right Direction After Divorce

Divorce is an event that changes your life forever.  Going through the process of separation, divorce and child custody arrangements changes you and leaves you going through a wide variety of feelings and a decrease in your sense of self.  Not only are you facing challenges emotionally as a mom going through divorce but also a list of other difficulties including finding a place to call home and a way to finance your new life.  In order to bring order and assurance to your new life as a single women or single mom there are some things you can help you through the process.

The first key in moving on in your new life as a single women and mother is to learn forgiveness as well as to let go of the past and move into the present.  You may not see eye to eye with your ex but learning to let go of everything that is not within your control.  When you spend your days regretting the past the future will be wasted.  For your sake and for your children’s future you must move past the bitterness that comes with the divorce process.  Create a future based on forgiveness and moving forward.

Create room in your life and the lives of your children for friends and supportive relationships of all kinds.  Seek out positive experiences, this will create a life full of everything positive and will allow you to begin to see the good in life.  Bring people into your life that was not involved in the chaos of your marriage and divorce.  Allow yourself to become encompassed by friends that know you’re moving forward and not looking back.  Don’t allow your support system to bring you back into the pandemonium of your divorce.

From the minute that a divorce is eminent you need to take time for yourself.  Take some time to enjoy a new or old interest.  Consider taking on an outdoor sport to give yourself some alone time.  Fresh air and outdoor adventures are some of the best ways to let off steam and regain a sense of self.  Harmony to oneself is the best resent you can give to yourself and your children.

While you are married you have to compromise on everything from the brand of toilet paper you use, where you live and how many kids you will have.  Compromise is involved in each step along the way with marriage.  Once you are separated, you begin to be in complete control of all the decisions in your life.  You can choose where you vacation with the kids, pick out the shampoo that will be in the shower and what type of car you will drive.  Excitement comes with discovering your likes and dislikes without any need for compromise.

Eat healthy and learn to do things to take care of your health and well-being.  A change in diet and exercise can help you beat depression and improve your overall attitude.  It is a perfect time to see your physician so that together you can discuss the changes happening in your life as well as ways to ensure you to have health.

Remember your children through the divorce.  Communicate with them and remind them that the demise of your marriage is in no way shape or form because of them.  They did nothing to cause the divorce and nothing they could have done or would have done differently would have led the marriage to be saved.  Children have a lot of guilt when they learn their parents are divorcing.  Spend time with your children doing things outside of the house and the realm of the divorce.  Keep the messages you send them positive and upbeat.  Never burden them with the issues surrounding the divorce.

When you take these tips into consideration and truly focus on moving forward in a positive manner you can avoid the trauma associated with modern day divorce

Building A Life You Desire After Divorce

Getting through a divorce and getting over your divorce are two very different things.  Both are difficult, but getting back into the single life after the divorce puts your life in a different ball game all together. It is important to get back into the game of life sooner than later for you and for your children.  Below you will find some tips to help you start living life and moving on to bigger and better pastures.

The first piece of advice I would give to any man in a divorce or after a divorce is to take some time to grieve. The loss that you are grieving is real.  You have lost your spouse and in some cases time with your children. It is normal to mourn as you are going through a momentous change.  Go through each step of the process; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and then jump back into the game of life.

Keep tabs on how you are feeling from day to day.  Keep a journal of your day to day emotions.  Don’t jump back into the dating pool right away.  Take time to explore yourself and determine who you are, what your likes and dislikes are and figure out exactly what you want for the future for yourself and for your children.  Don’t feel the pressure to be with someone, dating brings on compromise and at this point in time the last thing you need is to do is think about anybody but yourself and your children. 

When it comes to dating as a divorced man especially if you are a single father to boot it is important to take time to really focus on learning who you are and what you want.  The phrase “play the field” comes to mind but just be careful when as you do so.  Don’t involve your children in the chaos of your dating life.  Let them be kids and let them have your undivided attention when you have time with them.  If you are one of the lucky dads that gets primary custody or joint custody use your time with your children to make their lives as normal as possible and leave your dating life for the times when you are without kids.

It is important that you re-build your life.  The environment in which you live will say a lot about your overall mental state of mind for yourself and for your children.  Bring together pieces of your lives throughout the years to make your new home theirs.  This does not mean that you have to bring in pictures of your ex or anything like that however bring in pictures of the kids, vacations taken.  Make sure the kids have comforts of life wherever they are.  This will ensure that they are at home where ever they are.

As a divorced parent, being a dad is your most important job.  Taking care of yourself and your children after your divorce will leave you with the relationships you wish for in the future.