Thursday, December 18, 2014

Tips On Surviving The Holiday During Divorce

Going through the divorce process is bad enough, let alone having the process takes place during the holiday season.  Dividing time with your children is never going to be easy.  It becomes especially difficult to be rational when consumed with the emotions of the season.  The one thing both parents need to do is realize that whatever is in your children's best interest is what is in yours.  With some compromise from both you and your spouse the holiday season can be one that the children experiences stress free.

It is so important that any talks that are associated with the 
pending divorce and child custody arrangements are kept to a minimum during the holiday season.  Wait until after the holiday passes.  The last thing you wish is for your children to forever associate the holidays with their parents’ divorce.

It may be extra hard not to overdo the gifts this year to compensate for what life is throwing at them.  That however, is one of the worst things you can do as a parent going through a divorce.  Too many gifts won’t make up for the fact that their parents are no longer together and will end up haunting you down the road. 

If it is at all possible speak with your spouse about what gifts they are interested in getting the children.  It may be incredibly difficult to work together but it will only benefit your children not only in the short term but in the long run as well.  If one of you is going to buy the dream house, the other should be in charge of accessorizing.  If a play station is going to be purchased then be the one to offer to buy the games.  Working together on little things like this will go a long way in your ability to work together through the bigger issues that will arise.

Work as many of the traditions your children are used to into the holiday.  If for instance, your spouse’s family does a big dinner Christmas Eve let your children go even if it is your night to be with them.  Your children benefit from this not your spouse.  Hopefully they will do the same the next time your family has something going on and it is not on your scheduled parenting time. 

Work new traditions into this holiday season.  It will be different from what the children are used to.  Wok to celebrate new opportunities.  If your spouse hated the mess of a fresh cut tree, now is your turn to take the kids and chop down a fresh cut Christmas tree.  That can be a new tradition that you start and carry on with your children.

The bottom line is that no matter what time of year you are 
going through a divorce it is going to be difficult for your children.  The difference around the holiday is that this is the time of year they were used to spending the most time together as a family.  Balance and a positive attitude will help you not only survive the holiday but truly enjoy the season with your children.  

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom's in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at

Surviving The Holidays During A Divorce

Being newly divorced or separated around the holidays is difficult.  How do you go on putting a smile on your face and cheer in your voice when you are still healing on the inside?  Without any visible signs your inner wounds often go unnoticed and end up buried by the chaos everyone else is experiencing with the normal ins and outs of the season. Not only is this time of year difficult for you but also your children who will be experiencing a completely new experience too.  No matter how hard you and your ex work to create a normal holiday your children will still be keen to that missing person on Christmas morning.

Below you will find some survival tips to help you and your family make it through the holiday with a smile and your sanity.
When you are feeling negative emotions from your separation or divorce you need to deal with them, feel them fully and find a way to let them go.  This process is different for each and every divorcee I have ever met.  One thing that is the same is that the negative emotions drag individuals into a private abyss that harbors resentment and anger that will eat your spirit alive if not dealt with and thrown out.  There is no reason to hold on to resentment and bitterness.  It will make you sick which in turn will affect your children and their wellbeing.  Getting the help you need will allow you to pack your negative emotions up and send them away for good.    This alone is the best holiday gift you can give to not only yourself but to everyone around you.

The next thing that you can do is to force yourself to get out there are relay positive energy to everyone whose path you cross.  This may be incredibly difficult given the situation you are experiencing but it is important to consider what they too may be going through.  Even if you are not feeling the merriment of the season pay for the coffee of a stranger, mail a thank you note for something that you may not normally send one for or start a tradition with your kids.  Whatever it takes get out there and bring joy into someone else’s life.  Taking the focus off of your hurt and bringing positive thoughts into your day will help you to remember the joy that is a part of the holiday season.

Consider taking time, either on your own or with your children to help someone who is less fortunate then you are.  It doesn’t matter how difficult your situation is, I guarantee you can find someone who is worse off.  Work to supply meals to those that will be without, give your children money to go buy toys, clothes and books for children living in shelter or visit the elderly.  Making someone else’s situation better is bound to bring the spirit to you.

Take some time for yourself to explore the new you.  After a divorce you no longer have to compromise with anyone.  It is time to do things the way you want to. Embrace your own opinion and move forth considering what is healthy and right for you.  When children are involved this may not be as simple as it sounds.  You will need to consider them in all major decisions that affect their lives just as you would have before.

The divorce attorney’s may no longer be in the picture, the fighting may have settled and assets been split but the hurt may still exist even during the holiday season.  The best thing you can do is to fake it till you make it.  This not only encourages you to move on to a healthy new life but also helps to promote balance and positive energy to your children.  The holiday season is something new and exciting after a divorce.  You can create new traditions to replace ones you weren’t so fond of and keep those you want without having to think about your ex’s feeling or their family either.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at