Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Changes To Your Life After Divorce

The beginning of any new relationship is filled with blue skies, warm fuzzy feelings and all the best of emotions we can feel.  As we go through the relationship process there are ups, downs and everything in between.  Then one day the euphoria returns when you get engaged, plan a wedding and then get married.  This is when the ups, downs and everything in between phase starts all over.  There will be more highs, the birth of a child, there will be more lows, the death of a parent and there will be plenty of everything in between.  Learning to live and grow through all of that is what many couples find to be overwhelming which leads to our incredibly high divorce rate here in the United States. 
If you find yourself experiencing the pain involved in the divorce process it is significant that you remember that this process will also be filled a mix of emotions.  Many men find themselves in a situation of little support while being determined that they need to maintain their masculinity. To many men this means not seeking the emotional support they need to grieve the loss of their marriage. There are many ways that your life with change after your divorce.  Thinking about the positives that will come from the process may help along the way.
The way that you go about making decisions will change all together once you are divorced.  You don’t have to come to a compromise any longer. The choices you make will all be your own.  Yes, you still have to think about how your decisions will affect the people around you including your children but there will be no more “we” in the process it will be all you.
Your priorities will shift.  Every moment will not be filled with wife, kids, house work and bills.  You will have time to think about what you want.  You will begin to realize you have control over things you never did before like what time you head to the gym, when you eat dinner as well as what you choose to eat.  Your personal feelings will matter again.  You won’t always be so overly concerned with what you are doing affects everyone else.  You will regain some personal freedoms that just aren’t available to you when you are married.
Your goals, dreams and desires will completely change.  Not every hope for the future will be surrounded with compromise.  After divorce you aspirations will change and for once you can begin to dream about your future and what you alone are dreaming of.  This can be thrilling and scary for newly divorced men especially a man that became used to focusing on the desires of his wife and family.  My advice, embrace it and charge forward.
Take time to take care of your emotional needs.  Seek support and counseling if needed.  Don’t become part of the two thirds of divorce men that sink into depression and don’t seek help to move through the grieving process of their lost marriages.  Seek support and be part of the one third that embraces the newly single status.  Be the father you desire to be for your children while being true to yourself.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at

The Truth About Men Going Through A Divorce

When it comes to the image of men in divorce the perceptions is far from reality.  What we envision is that all men going through divorce dump wife number one for a hotter, younger version in wife number two.  We see this in every Hollywood story but the fact is that movies and Hollywood are far from real life. The truth is that most marriages end not because the man has decided the marriage is over but in fact the woman.  Two-thirds of all divorces in the United States are initiated by women.
The truth is that divorce often hits men far worse than women. They are emotionally unprepared and the support for men going through a divorce is far from what is available to women.  Yes, the truth is that most men fare better financially in the process however when it comes to the emotional toll men are hit harder than the portrayed images we have comes to see.
Men often take the marital failure personally and believe that they should have been able to fix it before it became unglued.  Fixers by nature, men have a difficult time admitting defeat.  Divorce is often seen as defeat.  Many men also don’t seek the emotional support that is needed with everything that divorce throws at them.  They are under the illusion that support makes them seem vulnerable and week and therefore tend to take internalize the pain. This leads many into self abuse such as drinking and drugs to cope. 
Men don’t handle being alone.  The statistics show that after divorce men are more than eight times more likely to take their lives than their female counter parts. After divorce men that are alone often suffer from depression and typically end up in a new relationship; often times a relationship that is doomed from the beginning because it is only based on them not wanting to be alone.
When it comes to men going through divorce there is a stigma that comes with it; a code of masculinity.  This stigma comes with divorce, being fired from a job and any situation that is seen as failure to a man.  Thankfully many men do hit a point that they understand that the only way to move forward it to seek out support and counseling. 
I have talked with many men after getting emotional help to allow them to move forward in their lives after divorce.  A majority of men start to understand what their marriages were missing and gain the knowledge to correct the problem.  Men often feel that if they would have had this emotional support in place before the divorce that more likely than not they would have been more apt to work with their spouse to save their marriages.
We often don’t realize it isn’t what we are giving it is what we are withholding that keeps us on the same page with our spouse.  Men see this through the emotional grieving process.  It is not the income they provide, the big house, the nice car but instead the attention their family craved that would have saved their marriages. 
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at

Getting Set Financially After Divorce

When it comes to divorce the reality is that it does not matter who filed it will be an incredibly difficult time in your life.  It is important that, as a woman, that you get yourself set financially.  If you file, if he files it is all the same, you need to get yourself in a position that you will be able to support yourself and your children with or without the help of your ex.  When it comes to the dos and don’ts of finances in divorce there are a few tips to take into consideration either before you file for divorce or right away after he has filed.
First things first, head to the bank and separate all of your joint bank accounts.  When separating accounts it is best to start fresh at a new bank for your personal accounts.  This is important as it protects you and keeps your accounts protected.  When separating be careful as greed often sets in along with the urge to wipe out all financial assets.  This is easily avoided by creating your own personal account.  Even in the most amicable of divorces financial issues arise.  Do not assume because you are getting along for the moment and acting like mature adults that your divorce will continue down the same path.
The next financial aspect that needs to be looked after is joint credit cards.  It is important to call creditors where joint accounts exist and explain that you are going through the divorce process.  You will want to cancel all joint accounts while opening one in your own name.  Don’t wait on this.  As your mate is beginning a new life it may seem reasonable to them to charge their expenses during the divorce.  If this occurs you are on the hook for at least half of this joint debt. 
It is a good idea to start keeping track of any and all money that is being spent in a financial journal.  If you have kept track in writing and have a good solid record of receipts it gives you credit when explaining your living expenses during the divorce. This gives your attorney the edge when discussing how joint money has been spent throughout the process and helps to make sure remaining funds are divided fairly.
When you are certain a separation and divorce is inevitable start writing down a list of questions you need addressed.  As it is when you go to visit the doctor, your brain goes stale when it comes time to get answers to the thousands of questions you have.  Keeping track along the way will help ensure everything is covered and addressed with your divorce attorney.
When looking to find a divorce attorney that specializes in women’s needs in divorce it is important that you look at their record in court and mediation. As with any professional services that are sought feel free to ask for referrals.  Attorney consultations are often free.  Meet with several attorneys that specialize in women going through the divorce and get a feel for how each will represent your needs throughout the divorce.  You will be working one on one with this person to achieve a post divorce life so be sure you are comfortable discussing everything with this person.  Unfortunately, your entire life is on display when going through a divorce.
 Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom's in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at

Divorce Attorney Litigate Towards Quicker Michigan Divorces

When your marriage is done and over all you are looking forward to is getting the divorce finalized however when you have a spouse who is dragging their feet it is often easier said than done.  Many women that have met with their divorce attorney want to know how they can get their divorce finalized quickly.  Waiting around for it to be over and done is mentally exhausting, time consuming and financially draining.  Below you will find tips to help you through the divorce process if you find your ex-partner to be dragging their feet.
The first piece of advice is to just get it done and over.  Do everything within your power to speed the process up on your end.  Until the divorce is over you will not be able to get on with your own life and moving on. When it comes your turn to process paperwork, meet with your lawyer or be somewhere when you need to be; do it straight away and without delay.  The quicker you get your end of the divorce taken care the faster it will spur the process along hopefully giving your ex the push they need to speed up their end.  When divorce drags on it drains you financially, hurts your children and keeps you from moving forward.
Be clear with your ex that this is it and it is over.  Every relationship has a deal breaker.  If you have reached your deal breaker and the end it here be clear.  State in direct terms what the deal breaker was and how it was broken.  This should clearly state why the divorce is happening.  This faces the divorce and the marital deal breaker head on.  There are no questions and therefore there is no ground to stand on for a possible reconciliation.  This should lead you to a hassle free divorce.
People become greedy when it comes to divorce.  If you are looking for a speedy divorce the last thing that can happen is greed.  You need to divide the marital aspects without dragging on about who gets the sofa and who gets the chair.  I know it is easy to want to get the most out of your marriage as far as possessions.  This is seen as a way to get back at your ex for the hurt and betrayal but in the end moving on is what is important in divorce not who was awarded an extra dresser.
When the end finally comes be ready to set your-self free until then hold off on getting involved in another serious relationship.  Ending one relationship is tricky and time consuming enough but involving another individual in that process can often take it to the next level of confusion and delay.   Take care of your-self, learn to parent on your own and move on living your life.  Try to adjust yourself to your new single lifestyle including your financial situation.  Don’t rely on income from an ex in the form of child-support or alimony.
In ending your marriage in a speedy fashion the above advice and from your divorce attorney should help you maneuver through the process of divorce without too many delays and hiccups.
Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom's in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at