The beginning of any new relationship is filled with blue skies, warm fuzzy feelings and all the best of emotions we can feel. As we go through the relationship process there are ups, downs and everything in between. Then one day the euphoria returns when you get engaged, plan a wedding and then get married. This is when the ups, downs and everything in between phase starts all over. There will be more highs, the birth of a child, there will be more lows, the death of a parent and there will be plenty of everything in between. Learning to live and grow through all of that is what many couples find to be overwhelming which leads to our incredibly high divorce rate here in the United States.
If you find yourself experiencing the pain involved in the divorce process it is significant that you remember that this process will also be filled a mix of emotions. Many men find themselves in a situation of little support while being determined that they need to maintain their masculinity. To many men this means not seeking the emotional support they need to grieve the loss of their marriage. There are many ways that your life with change after your divorce. Thinking about the positives that will come from the process may help along the way.
The way that you go about making decisions will change all together once you are divorced. You don’t have to come to a compromise any longer. The choices you make will all be your own. Yes, you still have to think about how your decisions will affect the people around you including your children but there will be no more “we” in the process it will be all you.
Your priorities will shift. Every moment will not be filled with wife, kids, house work and bills. You will have time to think about what you want. You will begin to realize you have control over things you never did before like what time you head to the gym, when you eat dinner as well as what you choose to eat. Your personal feelings will matter again. You won’t always be so overly concerned with what you are doing affects everyone else. You will regain some personal freedoms that just aren’t available to you when you are married.
Your goals, dreams and desires will completely change. Not every hope for the future will be surrounded with compromise. After divorce you aspirations will change and for once you can begin to dream about your future and what you alone are dreaming of. This can be thrilling and scary for newly divorced men especially a man that became used to focusing on the desires of his wife and family. My advice, embrace it and charge forward.
Take time to take care of your emotional needs. Seek support and counseling if needed. Don’t become part of the two thirds of divorce men that sink into depression and don’t seek help to move through the grieving process of their lost marriages. Seek support and be part of the one third that embraces the newly single status. Be the father you desire to be for your children while being true to yourself.