After your divorce there is nothing more precious than or as delicate as your children and their emotional state. They need to be placed ahead of your own needs and protected from other outside emotional shock. Before beginning to date again after your divorce in finalized you should carefully consider what is in your children’s best interest. You must protect them in every way possible meaning you may back burner future relationships until you know for certain that your children have accepted their new lives.
Your children are feeling many mixed emotions throughout your divorce. This is unlikely to end once the divorce decree is in hand, assets split and parenting arrangements decided upon. They will have a variety of fears, expectations and hopes. Your job as their parent is to help them adjust. Support their growth and shelter them from undue stress. Divorce is a painful experience for children and is not something that is gotten over just because yours has been finalized.
Some children find that they are incredibly angry. Not yet having experienced an emotion this strong many young children have not learned the art of hiding the pain away. For these children parents can easily tell how a child is feeling.
Other children are quiet and withdrawn. This type of child may seem perfectly well adjusted on the outside but distraught on the inside. Their hurt may typically go undiscovered. It is your job as the parent to determine where your children are at in dealing with your divorce and to seek the adequate help and guidance that they need to cope with this major life change.
It is crucial that you take the time right after your divorce to focus on your relationship with your children. You will need to re-define who you are as a parent. The level of attention you give to your child along with your behaviors set the tone for their healing.
This is not to say that you should only focus on them and forget about yourself. You set the pace for their healing. Take care of your own emotional well being without getting romantically involved with anyone for a substantial period of time after your divorce is settled. Your children are watching you with glaring focus so it is important you model to them behaviors and attitudes that are acceptable.
Children are fearful of loss after their parents have been divorced. Jumping back into the dating game after your divorce is not a good idea. Your children will fear more loss or rejection. Children most often see anything or anyone taking away any of the attention that they feel should be placed on them as another loss. Take time before you start dating again to establish a strong, healthy foundation with your children. Creating a trusting relationship with them again is important if you ever hope to have their acceptance and approval with another partner.
Right after your divorce is final you need time to learn about yourself and to explore your interests. When you are going through this process your children are watching you as a model for themselves. They will imitate your actions within their own. Make sure that the example you are providing for your children is one that will lead them into moving on and creating a healthy life within and with each of you separately.